Vomit Stories

Featured Stories

 

$9 Fish Breakfast
50 Megaton Explosion
The Absent-Minded Teen
The Airbourne Puke
A Doomed Romance
A Family Affair
A Happy Ending
A Near Vomit Experience
A Well Orchestrated Hurl
Babysitter Blues
Bacardi and Barf
Back Seat Driver
The Back Seat Driver II
Bad Pussy
Barfday Cake
The Biology of Barfing
Blackberry Wine
Blowing Chunks
The Blunt Truth
Boot Polish
The Boss Barf
The Burping Contest
Canoe Trip
The Caring-sharing Vomiter
Casino Royale
The Casual Vomit
Catholic School Chuck
The Centrefold
Chicken Noodle Soup
Chicken Nuggets
The Christmas Vomit
Chuck and the Tomato Plant
Class Action
The Contest
The Cookie Woofer
The Creature From The Black Lagoon
Cruisin' Down The Tobacco road
Dairy Queen
Dog day afternoon
Dog Spray
Doritos Destroyer
The (NOT) Dream Date
The (NOT) Dream Date 2
Dry Cleaning
The Early Birds
The Early Drinker
European Hurliday
Explosion
The Fickle Pickle
Fido the wonder dog
Fishing Puke
Fishing Trip
Free Meal at Denny's
The Funky Chicken
General Tsao's Vomit
Get an umbrella!
The Heimlich Manoeuvre
The Holiday Hurl
The Home Run
Hot Shot
How to Start a Fight
I Puked and Puked and Puked!
Karaoke Crooner
Laugh it up
Le Vomit
Life Savers
Lights, Camera, ... Barf
Lingering Reminder
The Long Way Home
The Meeting
Moonlight Barf
New Carpet Design
The New Couch
New Years Resolution
Niagara Chunder Falls
The Nightmare Clean Up
Not in the Fish Bowl!
Parental Consent
The Piano Puke
A Pregnant Pause
Principal Poopy
The Prom Nightmare
The Randy Ralph
Recycling
Re-gurt-atation
The Return of the Banana
Rocky Sicks.
Roller Coaster Ralph
The Sausage Stick
Scout Camp
Shop till You Hurl
Sorry About That!
Sorry Officer!
Spaghetti Western
Spewy Boy Benny
Stomach Flu
Table Manners
The Taco Bell Barf
The Taco Bell Barf - Part 2
The Taco Bell Barf no. 3
Taped Desk
This one time at Scout camp...
Tijuana Barf
The Toadstool Omelette
The Vomit Fountain
Why Astronauts Drink Tang
Wonderbarf
The Wrong Side Of The Law

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Blowing Chunks

Unlike most contributors, I am an older woman (54) and a former high school teacher.  But, I have a great revenge-puke story. A year ago I had a major back surgery and was confined to my hospital bed.  I was given very strong pain medication through an IV, and it gave me a crushing headache and nausea.  I was on a liquid-only diet, and had just eaten my green jello and milk lunch.  I had a real "Nurse Rachet" type who repeatedly ignored my complaints of nausea.  I rang the bell repeatedly and told her that I needed a basin quickly as I was sure I was going to vomit.  Not only was I hooked to the IV, I couldn't even get out of bed yet because of the brace on my back, so I was totally at her mercy. 
She'd stick her head in the door, and snottily say, "In a minute dear, I'm BUSY right now.  Like other people's complaints were more important than my own.  Well, she finally deigned to bring my basin, and even though I swear I didn't plan it, I projectiled all over the front of her as soon as she got close to my bed. It was a wonderful technicolor green with jello chunks mixed in with sour milk curds.  I splatted her mostly on the chest but also got her face and hair. The look on her face was priceless.  She was so mad and disgusted that I know she would have slapped me if she could have gotten away with it.  I guess she got her own revenge though, because she left and didn't send anyone in to clean up for a long time.  I didn't see her again for the rest of that shift. 

I wonder if she'll be too busy next time to ignore complaints for nausea from a patient.

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Explosion

I'm 17, and a week ago, I was just working on a science project with my friend at home. She starts puts her hand over her mouth then runs to the toilet and I hear her go, “BLEEEEEEEEEGH!!!!!!” There was a trail of puke that looked like spilled coffee. Then she comes out and goes right back in. When she comes out I go in and there I go, stepping in puke. When I step forward again, there I go AGAIN, stepping in puke. I see that the bathroom floor is covered in her puke!!! That made ME puke! My friend passed out puking. Then she wets her pants unconscious. My mom screamed to wake her up.

Then she puked blood. My mom and I gagged as we cleaned it up and it took forever because I kept puking.

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The Long Way Home

When I was about nine, ( I am now 42) my mother, sister and I were making the two-hour drive to my grandmother’s house for the weekend.  About halfway there, my Mom’s VW bug sputtered and died.  I was coming down with something and had already had to stop and hurl once.

We stood by the side of the road trying to figure out what to do. (No cell phones back then!)  A few minutes later, a sweet little old lady in a very old, but mint condition sedan pulled up and offered us a ride to the bus station in Boston.  What a good Samaritan!

A few minutes later, the dreaded churning of my stomach began.  “I have to throw up again” I whispered to my Mom from the back seat.  “Open up your suitcase and do it in there!” she replied.  “I am not asking this sweet lady to pull over!”  I quietly unzipped my suitcase and spewed the contents of my stomach all over my clothing.   The lady didn’t seem to notice, or was too polite to say anything.  I truly believe this woman was a saint because the stench was overwhelming!

We made it to the bus station without further incident, but it was not over yet.  Aboard the bus, the diesel fumes were not helping my condition.  The nausea rode once again.  Another sweet old lady (they’re everywhere) must have noticed the green hue of my face and offered me a butterscotch to “settle my stomach”.  The mere thought of the butterscotch in my mouth was too much and, once again, I put my suitcase/barfbag to use.

An hour later, I was finally lying on my grandmother’s couch, wastebasket at the ready, while Nana, the sweetest old lady of them all, took my suitcase without hesitation and laundered my clothes.

This story is dedicated to sweet old ladies everywhere!

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Taped Desk

This happened when I was in 4th grade. I wasn't feeling well, so I went to the nurse's office. Unfortunately, she wasn't there! Then, I went to the secretary, and before I could say anything, I threw up all over her desk!!! I apologized, and she accidentally said,"Oh,sh*t!" She said that the last time someone spewed near her, she started spewing too. The janitor put 'police line' tape all around the desk!
Luckily,no classmates knew about it.

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I Puked and Puked and Puked!
I was travelling home from a birthday party and was almost home when my stomach lurched and I felt puke rumbled in my gut making my head spin.  I felt so sick I puked just as soon I opened the car door and fell onto the grass.  I puked and puked until I could puke no more, then I came inside and my mom helped me up to the toilet where I puked again.  I was sick all night so I slept in the bathroom and most of the time my puke was green with gray chunks and the sight of it only made me puke again.

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The New Couch
I was about 7 years old when I did something really stupid. I was watching a Yankees vs. Red Sox game. I had been snacking on pretzels during the game with my brothers. We were having a good time. So after the pretzels were gone, I decide to eat the extra salt. That made me thirsty. So I drank about half a can of Tropicana Twister and then laid down on the couch. It got to be really bad. I started feeling really nauseous. Then this red stuff came out of my mouth and partially on the couch, but mostly all over the floor. When my mom came in, she couldn’t have been madder. She screamed at me for throwing up on her brand new couch. I didn’t eat anything else for the rest of the day.

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Scout Camp
Last summer, right after I turned 10, I went to Boy Scout Camp. Let’s just say it was the stupidest camp ever! I was real homesick, so I didn’t eat anything for 3 days. The first 2 days I was fine. Then the third day at breakfast, I woke up really really nauseous. So I went outside and threw up. Then I went into the cafeteria and threw up again. They sent for my Dad came to pick me up two hours later. I haven’t been more embarrassed.

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Chicken Noodle Soup
Let me start by saying that I haven't puked since the 4th grade. I am now 24. Ok, here we go. I got to work feeling fine and by 10:00am or so, well, not so much. I phoned the other supervisor and asked her to come in early. She did, and I was so grateful. I felt, and looked awful. I made it home without throwing up, but that was about it. when I got home, I decided just to rest a bit on the couch. after about an hour, I began to feel really sick, so I went to the bathroom and threw up a couple of times. I was feeling worse. I went back on the couch and rested for a while longer. At about 5:00pm I had to throw up again, I ran to that washroom and puked A LOT in the toilet. I thought I was done, but wasn't, so when I stood up, I puked again 3 more times in the sink.

I wasn't feeling any better, but decided to have some chicken noodle soup, it's supposed to work, right? WRONG! I had about 4 spoon fulls then puked right there, in the bowl. so, it was about 7:00pm now and I decided to go to bed to calm my stomach. I slept till about 2:30am, then woke up feeling sick. I thought I could wait it out a bit, but, oh no, I couldn't, I threw up right there in the bed, A LOT. I couldn't stop throwing up for about half an hour, all over the bed. I finally stopped and managed to change the sheets, but felt too sick to lay down. I moved to the couch where I could rest sitting up. I stayed like that till about 4:30 am where I ran to the bathroom and threw up again. I finally managed to fall asleep till 8:00am, where, yup, you guessed it, I threw up again. I decided to drink some juice, and couldn't, because it came right back up. so then I decided to try water, but that too came right back up. I phoned my co-worker and said that I wouldn't be able to come in because I was still sick. she told me to take a hot shower. it sounded like a good idea, so I did. the heat on my back made me feel a little better, as did the water on my face. then, of course, it didn't...I threw up well more than 10 times while I was in the shower. I decided to try and drink some water again, but it came right back up. I slept the rest of the day, and well into the night, until about 1:00am when I felt even worse, if you can imagine, I made a dash to the washroom and pucked until the toilet was practically overflowing with vomit. I stood up and vomited in the sink. I went to the kitchen, and thew up in the kitchen sink. I was so sick. I went back to sleep and woke around 11:00am. I was walking towards the couch, when I felt like I was going to throw up, so I made my way to the washroom, but didn't make it,I puked on the floor, just before toilet.
I puked one more time after that, and thank god it was all over.

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The Return of the Banana
One day last year, I was at school with my best fiends Josephine and Kate and a gal called Kim that we hate was tryin 2 hang out with us. We were about to tell her to leave us alone when we walked past this dead bird and Kim started
gagging. Josie had just finished her banana. We walked around for a while
then Kim says "I'M GONNA BARF"and runs to the toilet, we run behind her 2
pretend to comfort her but actully we want 2 watch her barf, but she stops
halfway and Josie has gone infront of her to comfort her and see why she
stopped. Then all over Josies shoes,
BLERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. It stank and was really chunky
because we had just eaten lunch. then the smell and consistancy of it made
Josie hurl down the front of herself, the bananna returns!!!!!
I almost barfed just telling this story remembering it and I swear it's all true!!

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The Airbourne Puke
Well I was on the plane to go to Hamilton island, a 5 hour plane trip. We were
an hour and 45 minutes into the flight and I was feeling ok, I had just had a sandwich, then about half an hour later I started felling a bit queasy but I started reading and I
thought it would go away, luckily it did. So since I felt better I had a can
of Pepsi BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD IDEA!!! I started feeling nauteous and queasy, I was deciding if I was going to run to the toilet or not and I thought i'd
just use the barf bag. That feeling when your head gets hot and stuff, you
know what I mean if you barf on planes. Then I felt REALLY bad. I got the barf bag and hurled like hell, it was soooooooooooooo gross it had
pieces of bread in it and lettuce and everything!!!! but then the barf bag
overflowed all over me!!! I spewed more until I had filled up 5 in the end
and the sight and smell made me keep going and doing it more and more

I stopped after 5 barfbaggs and then the guy next to me, I thought he was gonna
barf and then he just burped, I was so releived because I barf if somone
elese barfs, even if my stomach is empty. Then BLERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR he
barfed all over himself and ME. I was looking for a barf bag but there was
none left so I tried to hold it until I could get to the toilet and I thought I still
had a few minutes and then all over myself BLURGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
the air hostess came up to me and asked me to stop because I was DISTURBING
the other passengers!!! I replyed with a huge projectile vomit. I fixed her
good. She left me alone for the rest of the flight. I barfed about 20 more
times in the flight I made it to the toilet for most of them!!!

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The Biology of Barfing
A couple of weeks ago I was in my Biology class at my university. My professor walked in looking like he was going to puke. So being a considerate student, I asked him if he was feeling okay. He answered
"No not really I might go home after this class."
So anyway he started his lecture when all of a sudden he started to vomit pink colored chunky liquid. Obviously the class started to say things like "gross", "he is blowing chunks everywhere", "what the sicko is going on!"
He tried to get out the door but it was stuck. He threw up again this time the vomit was green. He left the class and the other professors opened their doors trying to find out what the commotion was.
Behold the professor was throwing up in the hall. One professor even told the other professors to send their students in the hall to see him throwing up. When everyone was in the hall people started to tease him. The news spreaded like a wild fire.

Even though it was 5 weeks ago no one ever let him live it down.

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The Boss Barf
Ok, so it was my first day at this job in an ice cream place and I had just eaten Mexican food, bad idea!! So I was getting this lady some ice cream when I suddenly felt nauseous. I gave her the ice cream and asked my friend to take over for a while....she didn't!

So I am on my knees in the bathroom stall waiting to puke but nothing but dry heaves came, then my boss comes in and says "Molly are you there?" and I said "yes" and flushed the toilet to make it look like I was going to the bathroom. I got up got out of the stall and had this HORRIBLE STOMACH ACHE!
My boss asks why there are like 5 customers waiting and I just stand there with one hand over my mouth and one on my stomach waiting to blow chinks. I try to answer but instead I blow chunks all over my boss and then run into the stall and puke so much it runs out of the toilet!

My boss goes home changes clothes and tells me to go back to work! I felt so horribly sick! a
A ny way I was giving this kid her ice cream and all of the sudden I puke all over her and the ice cream!

I ran into the stall and then had dry heaves for about an hour, so my boss says I can go home and so I do and blow chunks over and over!

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The Randy Ralph
Ok this is the date I will never forget. I loved this really hot guy named Randy - blonde curly hair, the works. Well I wasn't feeling good one day but to my surprise Randy asked me out for that night. I was totally happy but I knew I might be sick but I wouldn't let that stop me.
Sooo, the date was going fine and he bent over to kiss me when I felt like I was going to puke! I tried to pull away but I couldn't - I guess I basically ralphed in Randy's MOUTH!

OMG I can still never look him in the eye!

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Recycling
Once when I was at home, I threw up and it was creepy.......then I went back and ate it!

p.s.: vomit tastes like chicken when you put salt on it before eating.

CAUTION: the only side effect is that later, you'll throw up again!

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The Prom Nightmare
My best friend in high school was going to the mall with a prom date to help pick out the tuxedo he would wear to the event. Another couple came along. My friend had eaten spaghetti for dinner.
At the mall, her tummy began to hurt and she felt queasy. The tummy ache got worse and worse but she thought she could wait till she got home to puke. Finally, she told her date she didn't feel good and needed to sit down. They sat down on a bench and she proceeded to vomit a huge quantity of red spaghetti everywhere. They then went up the escalator so she could use the bathroom to wash up. On the way down the escalator, she realized she had to puke again. There was a trash can at the bottom, so she went running down the escalator and barely made it. The puke splashed out over the side and went everywhere. They had to make several stops on the way home for her to be sick some more.

She was so embarrassed but amazingly the guy still took her to the prom.

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The Back Seat Driver II
One time I went over my cuz's house. I said hi to her, but she did not answer so I ignored her back. She started to fart I said 'whats that smell????' She said 'it wasn't me!!' We argued over who would get to sit in the front seat in the car. In the end I gave up and sat in the back.
Then when we go on the highway she told her Mom she need a bag, then all of the sudden she puked all over the front seat. I said I wanted to go back home, I was so scared that she would puke on me. The her Mom pulled over to clean the yucky mess my uncle just stared laughing. The next day we went to go see finding nemo, there were still yellow chunks on the glove department!!

After that I never sat in the front seat again.

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The Absent-Minded Teen
A few years ago when I was about 16, I went to my 3rd, no parent supervision party that year. There were all types of drinks there. so being a absentminded teen, I tried every 14 of them @ least 3 or 4 times! I didn't feel so good later because I felt kinda dizzy. The room had started to spin, and I thought I was gonna pass out, so I sat down for a little bit and filled up on food that they had.

BAD IDEA! 30 to 45 minutes later, I know I was about to puke, so I ran for the nearest bathroom and wouldn't you know it I completely missed! I sprayed all over the floor, toilet and walls. After that I got up cleaned up the mess and went back out to the party. Of course I wasn't the only one pretty shot at that time. My friend GiGi was the same way, so together we both headed out the door to my house. The entire way home, my friend and I were holding our stomachs they hurt so bad! That's when the feeling came back. I ran for the bushes and puked like hell has never seen before. Seeing this my friend came and joined me with my Niagara falls of spew. After this we got back up and went home and slept until about 2:15am when I had the urge to vomit one more time. I'll never forget how messy the bathroom was -filled with puke ALLLLLLL over. That was a night I'll never forget.

Never go to a party as an absent-minded teen!

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Karaoke Crooner
We decided to try something different for our office Christmas party this year, so we went to a Karaoke Bar. It started out innocently enough, with the usual off key singers and the like. The big mistake was a 1/2 price drinks happy hour from 8 till 9pm. That really set the stage for the rest of the evening. Billy from Accounts, who is a little overweight, got talked into doing a rendition of Meatloaf's 'You took the words right out of my mouth'.
In the second chorus he really went for it and instead of hitting a high C he hit a high P - he puked on stage, all over the microphone and the first two rows of people.

That was the end of the evening's entertainment. No one was touching the mike after that.

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Home Run
My Brother and I went to a ball game last summer. We were running late and I didn't get any breakfast or lunch, so my stomach was a bit queasy and I was pretty hungry.

At the end of the third inning we went to the hotdog stand. They looked kind of gross, but I was starving, so I didn't complain. About half an hour later there were some rumblings in my tummy and I burped a couple of times. Then all of a sudden I got a sharp pain in my stomach and a hot gush of puke surged out of my mouth. There was a huge guy sitting in front of us and some of it splashed down his back. He turned around and was pretty angry. My brother looked at me in horror. He grabbed my arm and led me down the aisle screaming 'medical emergency!' We ran down the steps of the bleachers and all the way back to the car without looking back.

I never found out who won the game, but it was the fastest home run I've ever done!

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The Early Drinker
One day I was at a party and 3 of my best friends were there (we were 10 @ the time). There parents had left and it was all of us 15, maybe 16 kids. Well fortunately, their parents had a liquor cabinet and they had left it opened. My friends were the only ones who noticed. We were in the kitchen and we took out 12 different bottles and MIXED THEM ALL!!!!! We drank like 20 of these then went back to the living room for the party.

By this time we were pretty shot, so we were wobbling all over the place at the party. Luckily the kids just thought we were making up some wild and crazy dance. Later on things got a little worse. By this time it was about 11pm and my friends and I were sick like HELL!!! we were walking home from the party, when one of my friends started to look a little green. We were all, "are u okay girl?" and she ran toward some bushes and hurled so VIOLENTLY, the sound and stench filled the air!!!!

Our friend got back up and told us she was okay. WRONG! she puked again on the street making a giant multi-colored mess all over the street. BOY, I've never seen anyone puke like that. Well then my friends went home and so did I. Still feeling sick, I just went to my bed and slept. By 3 AM I was awoken by the pain, gurgling, and churning of my alcohol-filled tummy. I got up and ran to the bathroom. Unfortunately my older sister was in there because she TOO, went to a party that night. So I ran to my bedroom and hurled all up in my trash can. This lasted for like about in hour. a

After emptying my tummy, I went back to bed feeling worse than ever. To this day every time I see alcohol, I start to dry-heave and get an upset stomach.

*the early drinker*

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Principal Poopy
There was a stomach virus going around my school. So anyway when my friends and I were getting our lunch, our Principal came in the cafeteria to get his lunch. He was looking a little green around the gills and was sweating, even though it was pretty cold.

Without warning he vomited all over floor. It was a yellowish-greenish color with chunks. Suddenly we smelled something awful and our principals butt was liquid poop. It had come out both ends!

We all behaved ourselves for the rest of the day - nobody wanted to be sent to the Principal's office!

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Casino Royale
We were driving a while to go and pick up my grandmother from a casino. Anyway, before we went to go to the actual casino where both my grandmother and my Aunt Sharon would be waiting, we decided to go to Hometown Buffet, where we always eat all the food we could eat.

The casino was only five minutes away from Hometown Buffet and I was begging to be let out to go to the bathroom, when I silently chundered all over the floor of the backseat, it was in a perfect arch, a khaki brown color and had some interesting bright orange chunks in it.

Well, no one heard me or saw me and for a while no one smelt me either. Well I said sorry to my mom and since I had thrown a fit in the restaurant she thought I had been talking about that when she dived into a whole "we were in front of the public when you threw that fit" lecture, I interrupted her and said, no I meant about the barf in your car.

Well we got to the casino and my mom took one look at it and I thought that she was going to throw a fit. Luckily she has car mats, so she took a quick look to see if any one was looking and pulled out the carpet in the car and wiped it on the grass.

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Doritos Destroyer
Once, I was about 10 years old and I was at home alone. Well seein' how my dad drinks beer and all those other stuff, I decided that this was opportunity to try some of it, so I mixed just about all he had and drank up! Well after that I had about 2 WHOLE bags of Doritos Chips, one being nacho cheese and the other one ranch.

By this time I still felt fine, until about 30 minutes later. Now I had a slight nausea sweep over me, but it wasn't so bad so I ignored it. Then all of a sudden my tummy started to gurgle and churn, so now, I didn't feel so good. This gurgling and churning lasted for about an hour. I sat on the couch groaning and moaning, then I knew it was about to fly, so I quickly got up and ran for the bathroom. I flipped the lights on and PUKED my guts out!!!! All up in the toilet I had vomited like HELL! My stomach was still sloshing and churning and I still didn't feel so well, so I thought if I filled up on more food I would be okay. WRONG!!!!!!! I had filled up on practically everything there was to be eaten.

Suddenly I started to dry heave and then projected vomit all over the damn living room! I was sooo sick!!!!! By this time I emptied what I had eaten and was just dry heaving and my stomach was STILL sloshing. That's when my parents came home and saw me there lying helplessly and groaning and moaning. They asked me what was wrong and I told them I had just eaten too much. (and that was the truth!)

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Life Savers
One time me and my cousins were over my Aunt's house. Before that night we went to six flags and got on roller coasters and dizzy rides and stuff like that. Well my cuz said that her stomach hurt and she felt like she was going to throw up. I said don't throw up on me, she said ok. She got a life saver and she swallowed it, then she started to choke and she took a drink of water and............ BBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

She puked up all over my Aunt's new beautiful carpet - white nasty chunks were everywhere! After that day I never ate life savers again.

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Roller Coaster Ralph
My Family and my Aunt and Uncle and cousins all went to Islands of Adventure last Easter Break. I remember the date so vividly, but I wish I could forget, it was April 7th, 2003, and we just arrived at the park from city walk.

What do we see first?? The Incredible Hulk Roller Coaster. I Have always wanted to ride it, but it I doubt I'll ride it again. We get into the very front off the train and we're slowly going in this gamma-ray launcher thingy, and this doctor is screaming "Oh my god, something's gone wrong AHHHHH!!" (pretty retarded)

Then we shoot at, like, a hundred miles a hour out of the tunnel onto the most nauseating ride of my life. When the ride is finally over, I am so dizzy and nauseous I can't even see. Then I'm stumbling around the park like a jackass for the next half hour not feeling any better or riding anything. When we get to this near-miss roller coaster called duelling dragons my family somehow got me to get on the ride (they half dragged me on). We get on this track called Fire Dragon (the red track) and we get halfway up the hill when I turn to my cousin and tell him I'm gonna puke!!

He doesn't take me seriously and we shoot down the hill. We go over the first inversion and I projectile vomit my $3.99 pancake breakfast all over my whole family and all over my face!! I puked 2 more times all throughout the ride, all landing on my face and family. When we get off the ride, the guy operating the thing is swearing his face off and other people getting off are puking as well (I Doubt it was from the ride). My Family is screaming at me like I just killed somebody. Let's just say the rest of my day totally sucked.

Oh yeah, I feel a lot better now!!

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The Heimlich Manoeuvre
This semester has been one from hell. I started suffering from acute panic attacks that would lead to vomiting. This semester, I’ve puked in class, puked in front of professors, and once on one.!!!! The story I’m telling you know is one of the more recent ones.

I just got back two grades, one in Cellular microbiology and one in Bacteriology 529. I was heart broken and freaked. I had a panic attack right in the hall of the Bio science building. I tried to make it to the bathroom but failed. I hurled on the floor (pink!? Which is weird). As I was violently decorating the floor with my puke, one of my professors saw this (micro/bacteriology proff). He ran over to me as I was puking and held my hair!!! 

Wow, this is weird I thought, but nice. I tried to apologize for the huge mess I was making, while still puking. I began to CHOKE!!!!! He gave me the Heimlich Manoeuvre. I made a bigger mess. Looked like a Rainbow threw up!. Unfortunately, when he was giving me the Heimlich Manoeuvre, in addition to puking, stuff from the other end came out too. I hope I did not get you know… diarrhea on him!!!! 

I fainted. It turned out that he and some of his TAs wrapped me in a lab coat and took me to the school Health Center Urgent Care. The really embarrassing thing is that I woke up in different clothes. In fact, they were my proff’s TAs clothes. She always has an extra out fit in case lab disasters ensue. So, like, who changed me? 
Man, I hope I don’t see them for a while!!!

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Sorry Officer!
I was trying to go to a pharmacy and get more anti anxiety medication because I’ve suffered from severe anxiety which leads to vomiting. Anyway, I puked as I was driving, and was in the process of pulling over when a cop behind me blares his damn sirens and lights.

This did not help the panic. Luckily I had proof of my condition, and it was obvious I wasn’t drunk or anything.

As he was grilling me for information, I warned him I was about to barf. He did not listen and a puked out of the car window, spraying nasty pink chunks all over his shoes!!

The look of shock on his face!! Believe it or not, he helped me recover, and apologized to ME!!!
Wow, that’s a first!

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Spaghetti Western
Here's the deal.
I was with my youth group up in Palomar Mountain; it takes about two and a half hours to get there from here. The last day we were there, they served us the same spaghetti that we had for dinner the first day we got there!
Anyway, the bastard of a bus driver decided to take the most windiest road in the history of the universe and already with a history of carsickness along with the spaghetti, I was feeling pretty nauseous!

I had my pillow because I thought that I could sleep through the pain that my stomach was now holding! I have not hurled in seven years, and I really did not want to start now! But the sleep did not help, I woke up because of the pain and knew that I was going to vomit! I dry heaved at least seven times and in the middle of my so called dry heave it turned solid, I threw up everything that I had eaten in the past week, it filled my whole entire pillow, it almost started to over-flow, though it did not and I felt like a million bucks! I felt renewed!

Anyway the stench started to fill the bus and people started asking around, everyone denied, including me! Many started yelling because there was a bathroom at the back of the bus. I did not use it because the bus driver warned us it was only for number one because if not it would fly to the windshield of the driver behind us!
At least eight people, including my crush, got sick because of the stink, causing a chain reaction, EVERYONE got sick! The bus was a mess! I felt pretty good until my friend who sat next to me wanted to lie on my pillow she was feeling pretty sick herself! Of course, I had to refuse but that just ended up in her throwing up all over me causing me to throw up all over the person in front of me causing them to throw up again on someone else (you get the picture!) Another chain vomit took place!

Finally we got to the drop off where all of our parents were waiting, when the bus door opened! Well, you know what happened, another chain barf! Well by the time everyone got their luggage and back in their vehicles to their homes I was feeling pretty sick again, we were on my street, just turned onto it when I threw up again in the car causing another chain vomit.

Well, my mom decided to let me sleep with her like I always do when I am sick in the middle of the night..... yep, I threw up AGAIN!!!!!!! Turned out that the spaghetti had food poisoning and everyone who ate it was sick for a week! My house was a mess because whenever I would hurl in one room my parents would move me to another and then another, when there were no more rooms left, they moved me back to mine which of course was the furthest from the bathroom with no buckets or trash cans any where in the room, so of course the cycle goes through again!
My mom and dad got sick of cleaning up after me and told me to clean up after myself, well the smell and sight triggered more hurl and I finally got to clean up all of it! PHEW!

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Taco Bell Barf no. 3
It was Taco Bell night at my house! I was pretty young and thought that I could eat anything and everything, which I did! I ate everything in sight! By that night I really was not feeling to good and knew that I was going to hurl. Well, I sleep on the top bunk of the bunk bed my younger sister on the bottom. In the middle of the night, I hurled inside of my bed, I just pulled back the covers and BLEEEEEEEEGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! Blew chunks everywhere!

By 6:00 in the morning it was pretty dry and I thought that if I could just pick it up and throw it over the side of my bed, I could just blame it on my sister in the morning. It was still pretty dark and I could not see anything, I ended up throwing all of my semi-dried puke onto the opposite wall of the room, fortunately, I woke up earlier than my sister and picked it off the walls and threw it into the trash can!

When my sister woke up in the morning she was complaining about the stench in the night that made her barf, when my parents found the puddle of sick in the trash can and in my sisters bed, they let me go free, my sister got the blame!

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50 Megaton Explosion
I remember a few weeks back, I had a bloody nose and swallowed a lot of blood. The next morning I needed to take a crap, after clearing the barracks I started feeling sick, so I went lie down. Then my mom came in and said: "Come eat a waffle," so I did, BAD idea! I started feeling sick again so I went back to bed, once again BAD idea!

I felt my stomach preparing to eject it's contents, so I quickly got up and grabbed the trash can, and started heaving. But nothing except burps came up. After a few more of these 'heaving burps' I started feeling better, so I got up and got dressed. We went to a diner later that day, and since I didn't eat lunch I started grabbing any thing that looked eatable. BAD idea! We got home and watched a movie on HBO, in the middle of the movie I started feeling my stomach start to doing the donkey bucks again, I ignored them, REEEEEAL BAD idea!

The bucking donkey feeling turned into volcanic pressure feeling, I ignored it again! By the end of the movie my stomach couldn't take it any longer, then I felt the familiar Volcanic of doom eruption happening, I tried to race to the bath room, too late!

It started, this was no ordinary projectile vomit! Nooooo sir, It was like a volcano erupting! BLEEEEEEARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! It exploded with what felt like a 50 Megaton nuclear explosion! A magnificent cone, 5 inches in diameter, 3 feet in length, flashed across the room, and hit straight on target, right on the TV screen! It didn't do it in on long spray, ohhhhh no. it did it in bursts! 5 bursts each! It was a magnificent green and brown, and little chucks of blood splattered all over the coffee table and TV! You can imagine the look on my parents faces! I got in the shower and went straight to bed, in the morning I felt great! This is a puking session to go in the history books!

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$9 Fish Breakfast
I had just gotten to my grandmas trailer park, when my grandpa surprised me with a fishing trip out onto Lake Erie. At that time I did not know I was prone to motion-sickness. Well, the waves were particularly rough that day and I had just eaten a HUGE breakfast. Eggs, bacon, sausages, toast, perogies, milk, and some english muffins! 

Well, we had been on this boat for 3 hours now, when I was beginning to feel 'questionable', so I told my grandpa I was going to lye down on the deck. I had been down for less than 15 minutes, when I was awakened quickly, by a sharp urge to chunk. I quickly got up, ran towards the edge of the boat, and ... nothing came up!

That's odd, I thought. but then, a massive wave of vommie was thrown into the lake, leaving me feeling utterly and completely empty. My grandpa turned around and said "what a waste of a 9 dollar breakfast!" and he never took me out on his boat again.

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Shop till You Hurl
I was starting to  feel a little sick when I was walking with me, my mom, dad, bro and sis in a clothes store. So I was like whining the whole time I didn't feel good.

Eventually I was taken home to get a shower and stuff and as soon as I got out of the shower, I felt sick and laid on the bed for a bit to make it go away, but then I couldn't take it anymore and I puked right on the floor. I couldn't make it to the bathroom. So I tried to go to sleep trying to avoid the awful smell.... YUCK!!!

I should have hurled in the store instead of waiting until I got home - talk about home shopping!

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Catholic School Chuck
I haven't puked since 1992 I think.  Is that a world record?  Usually when I feel sick I have a real hard time getting the offending load out, with belaboured gagging and no projectiling. Although mostly my stomach is in a lot better shape since I stopped living with my parents.

  However my most memorable hurl was in the 3rd grade in Catholic school, a real old-fashioned one where the nuns wore big heavy black robes that looked like the burqas the Taliban made women wear in Afghanistan.  That morning when I woke up I was feeling, not nauseous but not well, and definitely in a no-eating mood.  My autocratic father insisted I eat the breakfast my mom had prepared the main component of which was very hard scrambled eggs like a pile of little yellow chunks (this is the way it looked before it was eaten!) and a big glass of MILK.

  Well anyway, gradually feeling worse I went to school.  I was definitely at the nausea stage now.  As I sat in class and Sister Adolf-Hitler-in-a-Burqa dominated the class of intimidated 3rd graders I was feeling sicker and sicker and sicker.  Not being able to accurately assess how long before my breakfast would make a u-turn, I waited until I could wait no longer, when I had to get up, approached the good nun.

  Standing in front of her looking up at her I said the following, all in a weak quavering voice (except for the last word which was very strong):
"Sister I think I'm going to throw up BLRRREEEAAAWWRRGGGHH!"
and projectile vomited (the strongest I ever have) a magnificent spew of little yellow chunk in a spreading sea right at the feet of the good sister with a lovely pattern of lovely yellow dots over the lower portion of her robe (she didn't get the full powerful jet, fortunately my head was aimed down, but my breakfast hit the floor with sufficient force that scrambled egg particles went splashing all around including on her "burqa".

I felt all better then though still weak and she sent me home so not only did I put on a good show for the class but I got to skip school for the rest of the day. I was still pissed off at my Dad though.

Pablo in Atlanta

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The Christmas Vomit
Once when I was out for Christmas break, I decided I was going to just eat every thing that was leftover from our Christmas meal, at the time I was only about 5th grade, so the possibility of getting sick never really crossed my mind.

  So there I am staying up late watching t.v. everyone had gone to bed, so I decided that I would add to my stomach, I had already eaten dinner plus about 5 oranges, so I decided to go back and eat more oranges and a bag of cheese nacho chips. I felt fine, I wasn't full or anything, so I got sleepy and decided to go to bed.

Well I would say around 3 a.m. I started getting this sick feeling, (let me say that I'm not one who gets sick often).

I thought the feeling was going to go away so I rolled over in bed and tried to go back to sleep. but the nausea kept getting worse, then all of a sudden I let fly on my pillow, the bed, and the floor with a huge pile of vomit. I ran out of the bedroom with my hand clapped to my mouth and headed for the bathroom. I made it to the sink in time to puke another three times.

                 -the unknown puker-

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The Caring-sharing Vomiter
A friend of a friend was in a club and witnessed a drunk bloke go green and barf into his half empty pint glass.  After a few seconds he put it down on a table and walked away.

Here comes the cringey bit.......   another bloke, who was having a good time but not seriously drunk, picked up the glass, obviously thinking it was his pint he'd left on the table while he had a boogie, and proceeded to take a slurp.

His face went white, then the projectile vomit started, my friend's, friend decided to leave the club soon after!!!!!

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The Fickle Pickle
I was rudely awakened at three in the morning by the sound of my roommate evacuating his stomach in the bathroom.  Who knows how long it had been going on for, but it ensued for another 20 minutes, followed with another 15 minutes of rather noisy nose-blowing.  Then, just as I was drifting off again, the snot slinging started again.  I heard him huffing and puffing, snorting and snuffing, and then I heard "ploop!"  I thought:  "What was that?"

Then, hysterical with excitement, my roommate screamed for me to look in the toilet.  When I ran in the bathroom, I saw a perfect, undigested whole pickle slice floating in the toilet.
He said to me: "Dude, I just shot a pickle out my nose!" 
Apparently, the green condiment had lodged itself in his nostril whilst he was regurgitating.

 How fascinating!

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The Funky Chicken
This was the only time (so far) that I have vomited as an adult:  I remember that day vividly, as it seemed to drag on forever.

I was on active duty in the USMC at the time and it was a beautiful Saturday morning. I had slept in quite late and missed morning chow, so I figured I could tough it out for three hours until afternoon chow.  Bad idea.  By the time the chow hall opened again, I was so hungry that I consumed six chicken sandwiches (the really greasy ones).  About three hours later (around 7pm) I went out with my friends to rent some movies.  While perusing the selection, I began burping very profusely.  Mind you, these were not ordinary burps.  Nooo sir, these were Acidic Volcano Burps of Death.  I happened to let one fly near my friend and it was so foul, so putrid, that it made his eyes water and his nose burn.

Well, this carried on for about two more hours, all the way back to my friends room, until, driven by a strong desire to rid myself of the bubbling torrent of acidic fire that was churning in my stomach, I drank an entire bottle of Mylanta.  Ah, bliss like you will never know.  I thought myself freed from the evil demon that resided in my digestive tract.  Little did I know that all I did was to lull the beast for a brief moment, for one hour later, I heard the Call.  You know, the little nagging voice that whispers in your ear "It's time!"

Being the kind and courteous gentleman I was, I did not want to re-paint the interior of my friend's bathroom with Technicolor chunderspew, so I went outside to deliver a street pizza in the shrubbery.  I had no idea what would come out of my gaping maw.  Would it burn as badly as the deadly burps of before?  Or did the Mylanta do its job?  Negative, it would prove to be something very different from what I expected.  It started as a huge, acidic burp which quickly turned solid.

The chow shower that ensued was nothing short of spectacular.  The distance and volume of my lunch review was heroic.  Not only did the dinner spray miss the yew bushes, the sheer volume of my walrus call attracted the attention of most everyone in the barracks.  This fiasco endured for what seemed like an eternity, and when I had finished downloading my dinner on to the lawn, I noticed that my bout of oral diarrhea had disrupted my poop/fart separator and created a load of trouser chili.

At this point, I was feeling much better, having ejected my intestines, but had not yet discovered a way to handle the liquid chocolate surprise awaiting me in my drawers.  Using all the resourcefulness I could muster, I took my poncho from the trunk of my car and fashioned a makeshift diaper to protect the vehicle's interior from the partially processed manure in my pants.  Then I drove home and jumped in the shower, clothes and all.
I did learn one thing though: never eat at the chow hall again.

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The Blunt Truth
I was 16 at this time. It was December the 27th and I decided to go to my friend's house with my cousin for a Christmas party. At that time, I weighted only 140 pounds at 5'10'' so needless to say, It doesn't take a lot of beer to waste me. I had with me 3 beers and drank em in about 15 minutes.

There, I was beginning to feel woozy but not nauseous or anything. Then me and my cousin thought it would be a good idea to smoke some pot. So we went to smoke a blunt (pot in a cigar) so we smoked nearly 2 grams in that. With only 3 beers in my stomach, I did not feel sick at this point. Now it was time to buy some more beers. I remember going to the store with my false ID
and I bought 4 more beers. I drank em all in under an hour. Now I was pretty hammered and being drunk decided to smoke another blunt. BAD IDEA!

Now I can only remember some little points. I stole about 3 beers from some dude I did not know and drank em all again. Now I had 10 beers in about 2-3 hours with about 3 grams of weed. Now some older guy thought it would be funny to give me shots of vodka and whisky. My cousin (who had only 4-5 beers) told me I had 6 shots. Now I only remember that I got out of my
friend's car back at home. I walked to the back door but when I started walking, I did feel quite weird. I suddenly stopped and began to puke. 10 minutes later, I stopped and got into my house. I remember my mom and his friend laughing at me being drunk and sick (I was my first time being sick on alcohol) but still she was worried a little and took care of me. I went into my bedroom and fell on my bed. Now I felt some more beer, chips and pizza comin' up, so I took an empty shopping bag and puked in it. That's funny eh, we cant remember anything when we are drunk except from our puking sessions. So after that, I thought It would be great to have a shower. So I went in the shower, sat down and stayed there for nearly an hour. I then got out and leaned over the toilet to puke for another hour or so. 

I remember my mom giving me fresh water to clean my mouth. Then I *walked* to my room, puked my last guts into a bucket, fell on my bed and BOOM! Lights out. When I got up next morning, I was quite ok. No headache but I did not feel like eating so I drank TONS of water (I did not have any the night before at the party). At the end of the day, I smoked a joint thinking it would make me eat and it worked fine.

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Niagara Chunder Falls
My vomit story takes place when I was just a kid (around 7). I was rudely awakened in the middle of the night by a loud dripping. Looking around me, I saw that the source of the drip came from the top bunk, where my younger brother slept. Not knowing what substance leaked from up above, I cautiously peeked my head from underneath, only to have a torrent of brown cake and ice cream chunderspew cascade upon my noggin.

My poor brother had fallen asleep not feeling well, had then vomited in his sleep (hence the dripping), and then vomited once more over the side of the bed and all over my head. I had my just reward, though, for as my heaving bro leaned over the bed to shower me with the contents of his stomach, he over-estimated and pitched head first into the ever growing puddle of yak.

My brother survived his fall with only a major injury to his pride and a minor one to his brain housing group.

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The Toadstool Omelette
In the early 1970's, I spent a year studying in France with a prestigious American study abroad program. The first six weeks of that academic year consisted of an orientation to French society and intensive French language courses at Tours in central France. After that, I was to head for Paris to spend the rest of the year at the Sorbonne. While in Tours, I was the guest of a distinguished elderly couple. The man of the house was headmaster of the city's vocational training high school. His wife was known about town for her gracious hostessing and her superb cuisine. They were, in every sense, pillars of the community.

One evening about a month into my stay, the lady of the house served a mushroom omelette for dinner. I found it very tasty indeed. Upon noticing that the mushrooms were not the usual button mushrooms one buys at a market, I asked the lady where she had gotten them. She told me that she had picked them from the lawn at the center of our apartment complex. I asked her if they grew in a circle. She told me that they did. I then understood that these are what Americans call "fairy ring" mushrooms. They are not considered edible. I told my hostess, "Those are not mushrooms. Those are toadstools!" She replied that we Americans have very strange ideas about what is edible. She said that she had used these mushrooms in her cooking for years, and that nobody had ever gotten sick from them.

Well, at about two o'clock in the morning, some four hours after we had all gone to bed, the inevitable happened. I felt a terrific urge to puke. I rolled over in my bed several times, hoping to find a position that was more comfortable. My stomach kept on churning. Finally, when I could put it off no longer, I tiptoed down the hall to the water closet. European water closets are notorious for their echo effects. Although I tried very hard to quietly boot into the toilet bowl, bestial noises roared out of my mouth and were amplified by the walls of the water closet. It woke everybody in the household up. My hostess came to the WC, swung the door open, and stood in the door frame, pointing and giggling. "You're puking! You're hoarking! You're spewing!" She laughed as she named every French synonym for "vomit." Mind you, she was well into her sixties, a supposed "Grande dame" of society. I was the only one to chunder. My roommate was spared the experience, since she did not like mushrooms and had not partaken of the omelette.

She gave me a killer of a look at breakfast a few hours later. The man of the house said my hurling had sounded like thunder or a wild beast on the loose. "I thought a lion had somehow gotten in here," he said. Needless to say, I still believe that I was fed toadstools and not edible mushrooms!

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Holiday Hurl
My story involves a family vacation that lives in infamy to this day.  My mom, dad, sister and me were on our way to Disneyland during the Labor Day holiday.  I was 13, my sister was 15.  As was the usual back then, she was being a real bitch.  Tormenting me and whining and complaining.  Well, we stopped by a restaurant that had one of those all you can eat buffets.  And we did.  No immediate problems.  So, we were back on the highway when a car accident brought the already heavy traffic to a standstill.  That's when the problems kicked in for my darling sis.

She whined about being nauseous.  Mom chalked it up to the  summer heat and the car ride.  She gave her some bottled water.  Bad idea.  Minutes later, darling sis frantically warned us that she was about to blow.  My quick thinking mom handed her a plastic shopping bag just in time.

Then, darling sis proceeded to marvel us with what has to be one of the most impressive vomiting sequences in modern history.  34 straight minutes (yeah, I kept track of the time as I was unlucky enough to have a ringside seat) of violent regurgitation with intermissions of gagging and retching in the back of the family mini-van.  The horror of it cannot be fully captured in words.  I mean the smell, the sounds!

Finally, traffic eased up enough for us to make it to a gas station so my sister could--um--freshen up.  She had to be empty by now, right?  Wrong!  The bathroom wall and floor could attest to that.  She didn't even bother to aim for the toilet--just let the last of it rip.  In the end, I couldn't help but smile a little inside despite what I had just been subjected to.  I think the mean little cow got her just desserts--so to speak.  

Her attitude improved remarkably after she recovered from that little episode...

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Babysitter Blues
I was babysitting my little sister Hannah coz our parents went out for their anniversary. She told me that she felt like she was going to puke. I took her to the bathroom so she could puke into the toilet and I wouldn't have to clean the mess up.

She leaned over the toilet for about an hour I had to watch her the whole time. Eventually she started coughing, but it wouldn't come out. I went over to slap her back to help her. She turned around and stared at me... She opened her mouth really wide and I could see it. It was coming so fast right at me.

She barfed for about twenty more minutes then I could see her face it was bright red and she started barfing again but nothing came out, so she got up and flushed the toilet and walked off. I heard coughing again and she puked all over my and her beds.

OMG!!! I was sooo pissed at her!
She started crying and puking her guts out. I locked her in the bathroom until she stopped for good.

After that I threatened her - if she don't feel good to just go sit in the bathroom. She said ok.

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The Burping Contest
My friend Ashley and I were having a burping contest to see how long we could go with out barfing. (we were like 9).
I was timing Ashley, it was about 1 in the morning. She was trying to break her record of 10 minutes. Right as she was at around 1/2 an hour her mom told us to go to bed. We got in bed but she was still burping. She told me that she couldn't stop, so I just kept timing her.

All of a sudden every time she burped a little bit a barf came out. By the time she had gotten to an hour she had filled up a bucket full of barf.

She stopped and just looked at me. She had a weird look on her face. She barfed about as much that was in the bucket all at once. At that sight I barfed about twice that much. We both ran to the bathroom, but the toilet was broken so we went to the bath tub. We were both barfing into the bath tub all night to the next night. Her mom didn't do anything she said it will pass soon.

I finally stopped but Ashley didn't. The bath tub was actually over flowing on to the floor. I started barfing again. Ashley ran to her room and looked for something to barf in. She barfed out her window right in to her Dad's convertible. Finally she stopped. My stomach felt really empty, so I went to eat something.

Ashley wanted to eat, she looked like she was going to barf again. I was taking pictures, it looked soo funny. She opened her mouth and I was ready. She started to make the motions and sounds but nothing came out. All of a sudden I saw a whole bunch of Shit coming out if her boxers. It was sooo disgusting.

We haven't had one of those contests since.

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The Sausage Stick
Back in 1988 I had the most intense vomit session of my life.
I had consumed a sausage stick earlier in the day, it was very tasty I thought. Later that night I woke up and ran to the spew pit to spew groceries like groceries have never been spewed before. While on my knees gasping for breath I noticed my right nostril was extremely clogged. I grabbed a wad of toilet paper and blew my right nostril while plugging the left nostril with my finger.

To my amazement a one inch piece of un-chewed bloody sausage stick popped out of my nose.
It was a night to remember.

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Chicken Nuggets
I was in eighth grade when we had to take the state standardized test things, you know the all day affair. Anyway, for lunch was chicken nuggets, needless to say it WAS one of my favorite school lunches. My friend and I finished our tests early, so the gym was opened to us for the last hour of the day. Ever since lunch my stomach hurt a little, but I though nothing of it.

I was sitting in the gym, huddled in a corner watching everyone play basketball. My friend thought it would be funny to steal my backpack, I let her because I was trying to decide if I was going to puke now or later.

Thankfully I made it home, although the bus ride sucked. I was home alone, as my mom worked until six. I decided to chill on the couch for a while, remembering that when I was sick as a little kid my mom would give me sprite and crackers. I ventured into the kitchen, apparently we were out of both. I figured that coke and tortilla chips would be like sprite and crackers. Not even close.

Needless to say about a half hour later I found myself hanging over the toilet. Lucky me, my vomit came out my nose too, just so I could smell it for the next two hours.

I am now in 11th grade and still hate to eat the school's chicken nuggets.

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How to Start a Fight.
I heard a story from some of my friends about a dormitory party at my University.

There was a guy having trouble, running to the toilet. He opened a random door and vomited like hell...

...all over another guy sitting peacefully on the toilet. It was a big mess. The victim looked at himself (puke all over his clothes and naked legs), he slowly moved his arms under himself, and picking up a handful of SH1T from the bowl he said in a calm, quiet voice: "IF YOU WANNA FIGHT, LET'S FIGHT!!!" and hurled it right into the puker's face!

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Lingering Reminder.
It was when I was a kid in Tulsa during the 1960's that this happened.  GH got sick every time he drank beer, so this time I was watching him.  Since I was driving, I put him in the front next to the door, making sure the window was open on this cold November night.  Just like clockwork, after downing two cans of ill gotten Coors he started to get quiet.   

"For God's sake, stick your head out of the window," I screamed as I frantically urged the car to the side of the road.  Too late though ... projectile vomit laced with bits of pizza and snickers bars painted the windshield and dashboard.  That was bad enough, but it got into the vents and every time I turned on the heater, I was reminded of that fateful night.

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Canoe Trip.
I was like 20 something years old, and I went on a canoe trip with my friends. It was my craziest tour ever! We followed a river through a famous vineyard in Hungary and we drank all day, mostly red wine. One day I met a girl, I asked her whether I could stay in her tent for the night. She said okay, but since an other girl slept there, I had to sleep in the middle. Later that night (after a long day's drinking) I felt like I would throw up soon, so I told her I needed fresh air. I put the first half of my sleeping bag out of the tent, and laid there motionless, hardly able to breathe.

The moment was about to come, but she came out to see if I was okay. The poor girl was worried about me, so she laid down on my side. She was looking to my eyes... That was her luck, as my dinner was on the way, I could not warn her. She saw the strange look on my drunk face and did a quick push up. I threw up, and the package nearly missed her.

She escaped, and hid herself in the tent again. I woke up next morning with half of my face in my own vomit.........

I apologized like 100 times next day....

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Dairy Queen.
My family and I were on a long road trip. We stopped to get Dairy Queen. We had my dog with us, and when I wasn't looking, she gulped up all my ice cream. Ok, I was a little pissed, but the worse was yet to come.

About 5 minutes later, my dog started making weird noises, like this: Hwoof. Hwoof! Then, suddenly, she projectile vomited all over the back seat and our luggage. She's a big dog, so there was a ton of puke. I got really grossed out and we pulled over to clean the back seat. We got back in the car and my dog fell asleep and my parents got all mad with me because the dog is lactose intolerant.

A second later...Hwoof! Hwoof! My parents pulled over so my dog could hurl, but, it was a false alarm. So we got back in our car and continued our trip to my aunt's house. Suddenly, my dog started Hwoofing again. This time, we were on the freeway, so we couldn't pull over. So my mom passed me a plastic walmart bag. I held it over my dog's chin, and she threw up more barf that I've ever seen in my entire life. She filled it up and I tossed the smelly bag out the window. My parents didn't even worry about littering, they just said, Dammit! Throw it out the window...

Thankfully, my dog didn't barf anymore on that trip!!!!
YUCK!!!!!!

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Fishing Trip.
I haven't hurled since 1991! I did it on a fishing charter off the coast of Oregon.

I had been on the charter fishing boat for about an hour when I looked at my watch and said "Well, it's no longer a matter of if, but when." Finally when it did come it was very noisy and chunky. It all went in the water. The captain and the deck hand immediately started razzing me. "OH sick! look at that! He didn't chew his food. I see a whole strawberry!" The other said, "I told you bananas are unlucky."

I was laughing and felt a lot better, but we had 5 hours ahead of us still. I figured I should refill my stomach so I didn't get messed up with the dry heaves. I ate a half bag of cookies and a litre of water and about an hour later it came again. I didn't have to wait too long for the third time, which flew out like a cone. I was proud of that one. I didn't even put down my pole. Thankfully we caught our limit in about three and a half hours, and I left the boat feeling great and vowing to try again next year.

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Re-gurt-atation.
Have you ever heard of the gogurt line of yoghurt products?

When one of my friends was over I ate one really quickly. A few minutes later my friend told me a hilarious joke and suddenly the gogurt came up in a perfect cylinder, all over him.

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This one time at Scout camp...
This one time I was at Garland Scout Ranch, way back in fall of '94. We were eating breakfast in the dining hall. Scrambled eggs, bananas, plus corn-flakes and milk. It was okay, I guess. At every meal, somebody at each table was assigned clean-up duty. Needless to say, I was the one who got picked for clean-up duty on this particular day.

I had never liked to drink straight milk, (mainly from having a bad experience when I was four years old), so I when I opened my second bowl of cereal, I used fresh milk. One of the older boys slapped the wash bucket down on the table next to me to remind me of my clean-up duty, the soapy water slightly sloshing onto the table. Being the immature 13-year-old boy that I was at the time and fully knowing that I wasn't going to drink any of the left over milk, I poured some of the soap water into the old cereal bowl.

About 5 or 6 "Ewuu"s and "uugh"s emanated from the kids around me, but Billy, the fat boy right in front of me looked fairly grossed out. And since adolescent boys between the ages of 9 and 14 generally tend to get off on gross stuff, he was a prime target.

I ate a couple of bites from my "fresh" bowl of cereal, and slid the "soapy" bowl towards him. "Here, have some fresh milk," I told him.
"Noooooooo..." he stated, cupping his left hand over his mouth and pushing it away with his right.
"No, I insist," I told him, sliding it back in his direction.
"I'm gonna throw up," moaned Billy, his voice slightly muffled by his left hand.
Then I threw the tiny cardboard cereal box into the bowl, and pushed it back, saying "Here, would you like some cereal with your milk?"

Instantaneously, he blew cornflake chunks straight through his fingers, and out his nose, into a perfect little pile on top of the bowl, like an all original puke-art sculpture.

Me and the two kids around him stood up. The kid on his left started yelling "Hey everybody, come look! There's a kid throwing up over here!"

The whole cafeteria burst into a chorus of laughter, making fun of the poor kid. I slid my half-eaten "fresh" cereal bowl over in front of him and said, "Uh, I kinda lost my appetite [which was the honest truth]. Here, you can have the rest."

Billy turned to the side, and started hurling lots more cornflake/banana/egg chunks onto the Dining Hall floor. The other kids had gotten plenty far away in time so that none of them got hit.

I stepped outside for some fresh air and thought I'd gotten out of my table chores. However, Randy, our Troop 9 scoutmaster, had a nice long chat with me afterwards. They made me clean the whole dining hall after lunch by myself as punishment, which really sucked, but I guess it wasn't as bad as the poor staff-person whose job it was to clean up Billy's cornflake barf after breakfast.

I went out trying to find Billy around 2:00 that afternoon and took it upon myself to apologize to him [I did feel kind-of bad about it], but his parents had already came and taken him home. I'm not sure whether that incident ever scarred him or not, but I'd bet he had nightmares about it for years to come.

Glad I've matured since then. I had my Eagle-Scout ceremony in summer '99, and I'm now 21 and attending college, but I've gone off Corn Flakes, that's for sure!

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A Pregnant Pause.
My son was due to be born in 1 month. I knew that the office Xmas party was the last opportunity I'd get to have some fun for quite some time, so I arranged for my wife to pick me up and drive me home at a pre-arranged time.

I may have overdone the red wine tasting, because I completely lost track of time. I was happily flirting with two girls from the office, (I think my arms were around their shoulders for support), when my very pregnant wife came waddling in with an expression on her face that I hope never to see again. I opened up my mouth to say hello and out came a red spray of marinated cocktail food, red dyed stomach juices and wine - all over my wife's pregnant belly. I spewed three times on the way home, fertilizing select areas of real estate.

Lets just say that a week later I was still sleeping on the couch. Red wine and I don't enjoy each other's company anymore.

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Free Meal at Denny's
"This here is the true story of an attempt at the free Denny's birthday meal. This story must be recorded for posterity. All names and locations are changed to protect the guilty.

Around February 1991, one of my friends, Greg, we shall call him, was going to celebrate his 21st birthday. His birthday was on a Wednesday, not usually a party night at our school. I offered to be his designated driver and jokingly mentioned the Denny's Free Birthday meal for him after our night on the town. There was a Denny's in the next town over closer to the interstate. We would meet at a local party bar at 6:00 and let the partying begin. Now the deal with Greg was that he had never partied in high school or for that matter even in his first two years in college.

I hit the bar around 5:30 and Greg showed up around 6:00. I bought Greg his first legal beer and got one myself. Of course I talked up the bartender about Greg's 21st and soon he had a free bar shot of something. Pretty soon Greg and I were bullshitting with the two guys sitting next to us and eating the hell out of the free bar pretzels. Then the two guys were buying Greg first a mixed drink and then another beer. We really didn't even really know them even though I think they thought they knew us but free booze is free booze in my book. Pretty soon all of us moved to a table and then a girl, Joanna, Greg knew from a class, happened by with her roommates. Upon learning about Greg's 21st, Joanna bought him another beer while me and the other two dudes chatted up the roommates.

Around 11:00pm I was worn out with the band noise and Greg was pretty blasted. Plus Joanna and her roommates had drifted away as had the other two dudes. I yelled to him that we would leave so we could go get his free Denny's meal and I would buy my meal, being hungry as hell. We got into my 1985 Dodge Omni and we drove 20 minutes to the other town to the Denny's. By the time we got there and got out of the car, Greg was staggering. Now this Denny's, being closer to the interstate in another town, didn't attract any or very few student types, especially at 11:40pm during the week. There were a few older folks at the tables and a few trucker types at the counter so we stuck out a little. The workers out front were a couple of skinny middle aged waitresses at the counter, the older matronly waitress who was seating us, and a bus boy who looked like a homeless man was servicing a closed section of the restaurant.

We went to get seated in a corner booth and I mentioned the birthday menu. Our waitress gave Greg the birthday menu and me the regular menu that we spread out on the table in front of us. I realized Greg didn't look all that well as he sat there with his face in his hands and elbows propped up on the table. I said to him "How you feeling?" His response " Not too good." "Need to hit the restroom?" "No," Greg responded" I just need to sit still for a minute." At this he looked up from his hands and started to GUSH (with emphasis on the SH sound) vomit into his hands, through his fingers, onto the menu. A beer and booze smelling, liquid/pretzel slurry issued from his mouth ... no one in the restaurant would have a reason NOT to know why he yakked. "Ow shit "I said as I got up to go to the waitress who was just approaching to take our order. Seeing the vomiting state Greg was in she yelled at me" Get him the hell out of here!" I turned back to the table and caught the look of death from the busboy/homeless man wiping a table in the closed section of the restaurant. A flash of realization came to me that I then knew who was going to have to clean up the vomit which by now had covered most of the graphically illustrated birthday menu in front of Greg. By this time, Greg was muttering something about "Being so embarrassed" and drunkenly attempting to clean up some of the puke with a regular paper table napkin. I grabbed him by the shoulders and dragged him out of the booth. Saying " I am so sorry" to all who could hear I steered him down the aisle to the door all the while he kept saying, "I'm so embarrassed." I heard one "Son of a Bitch" from one of the gentlemen in the booths but we made it to the door with the waitress following. She yelled "Don't you come back" as I poured Greg into the passenger seat of the Omni.

As I gunned the car away from Denny's, Greg was practically crying in embarrassment about what had just happened. He was wiping off what amazingly little puke had gotten on his shirt with tissues. I started to laugh uncontrollably and pounded on the dashboard and the roof of the car with my right fist as I steered with my left hand. Greg said, " What the hell is so funny, man. I'm embarrassed as shit about this. What the hell am I going to do?" I yelled, " You aren't doing anything, Greg. Have you ever been to that Denny's before? NO! Are you going back there? NO! Were there any students working there or eating there? NO! Is that Denny's even in the same town as our school? NO! Greg, that had to funniest damn thing I have ever seen and experienced and got away with. You've just performed an awesome end to a 21st birthday." I let this sink in to Greg's sodden brain a little and all of a sudden he started to grin, laugh and say "Ohh, Man, Oh, man. Just don't tell anyone we know." "No, problem." I answered.

I went by the next day after his regular morning class time to see how he was doing. I found him still in bed at around 11:30am as he had skipped his three morning classes. He both thanked me and cursed me for the evening before. We never partied together again (I wonder why?) though we are still in contact as close acquaintances even after we graduated.

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Early Birds
One time two other friends and I showed up way to early for a party, as there was no one else there yet minus the host and her best friend. We had just come form the liquor store and had purchased a 40 of vodka. Obviously, our only choice was to sit down and start drinking, right there, at 6 o'clock. So we did shots, passing them around the table to three of us, doing as many as 10 shots each as I recall.

Anyways, within about a half hour we were all smashed and rolling around the yard. As soon as people started to show up, I began to feel the nausea.. as did one of my friends, and us being girls not weighing more then 130lbs it was safe to say that we would be barfing soon enough.

I sat on the couch, trying to trick myself into feeling better, when suddenly a huge load of liquidy barf came running up my throat and spewing out of my mouth and nose all over my shirt, I kept most of it in my mouth when I gained enough sense to close it, and then ran to the bathroom-- but did not make it, sadly enough. As I turned the corner of the bathroom I violently yanked my head around, letting the projectile vomit spray all over first the door, the walls, then the toilet and the mirror and then back to the door again. I had successfully coated the four walls of the bathroom in a disgusting coating of liquidy salmon-colored barf.  The sink and counter top were filled with barf, and as I observed the terrible mess I created I could hear the droplets of vomit falling from the countertop and hitting the linoleum floor.

The funny thing was, what little percentage of puke I actually got into the toilet, managed to fill it. I have never barfed so much in my life, and plan to never drink like that again. Nonetheless, I felt MUCH better and tried to clean up the hideous mess, but seeing as I was too drunk to even comprehend what I did, I wasn't too successful.

I wandered out and tried to make out with my boyfriend, while covered in puke. He wasn't too impressed with me that night, and I hear that it took a long time for the bathroom to get cleaned up without the cleaner barfing at the sight and smell of all that vomit.

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Moonlight Barf
After a long drive up to Vermont I finally arrived at the home of my friend, Beth, who proceeded to pull out what little liquor she had in the house and pour us some shots.  She layered Jaegermeister and Bailey's, which was awful, but she insists to this day is an actual shot.  I had about 5 of these awful things.

Our friend who would be driving that night came to pick us up.  We got in the car and he sparked a joint immediately.  I puffed it gladly as we made our way on the windy winter roads to the bar.

Immediately upon arriving at the bar, I realized that I didn't feel well.  I requested a glass of water and asked where I could find the ladies room.  I was sure I had to push a log and then I'd feel better.  Well.  I dropped trou and start to push, when I get this sudden realization that I was in fact going to vomit.  I did a quick 180, sunk to my knees and hurled. 

Beth comes in a short time later to see what I'm up to.  I hear her laughing outside the closed stall while I was stuck in my misery.  What the hell is so funny?  Well, between bursts of laughter and gasps for air, she manages to tell me that my naked ass is hanging out beneath the bathroom stall door, visible to all passing by.  There was actually a group of spectators at the entrance to the ladies room, listening to me wretch while looking at my bare ass.

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Dry Cleaning
I was at a bar with my buddy Tony, getting very drunk at a bar when I couldn't contain myself and threw up all over my suit. Oh, no, I thought. Now Jane will kill me!
Tony said "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."

So we stayed for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually I rolled home and his Jane started to give me a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!" she said.

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, I said, "Now wait a minite, I can e'splain everythin! Itsh not wha you think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me... he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz liquor. He said he was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!"

Jane looked in the breast pocket and said, "But this is forty dollars." "Oh, yeah...I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too."

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Bacardi and Barf
I was once at this kinda upscale party with some of my good friends. One of them had a house with a downstairs bar for the weekend. We were drinkin' cheap whiskey and beer when 5 of us decided to do some vodka shots. We were havin' a fun time until it was our 7th that 1 friend had prepared "especially" for us.

We downed em all at once and in unison... all 5 of us unloaded onto the table. The guy who owned the house was pissed and so were we. 3 of us, covered with vomit, jumped up and started beating up the guy who gave us the shots. He later told us he gave us bacardi 151 (70%) on top of seasoning salt.

What a bastard.

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Feeding the Fish
This took place when I was on my, first ever snorkelling trip in Key Largo. My friend and I got up early to meet the boat, but still had time to run by Wendy's for one of their (now thankfully discontinued) greasy breakfast sandwiches. I wolfed that down, hopped on the boat and we took off for the reef. It was a choppy day on the sea and, considering the combined effect of an evening's drinking the night before and that greasy sandwich, I was getting pretty queasy. I kept thinking, "If I can only get in the water, I'll be okay." Well, to my immense relief, we arrived at the reef and hopped into the ocean to see the fish. What I'd failed to consider was that lying flat on the waves to snorkel would have the same effect on my ravaged tummy as being on the boat - possibly worse because I was breathing through my mouth using a salty tasting tube - but not for long. Suddenly, it all came back up!

Not wanting to foul the rented snorkel, I yanked it out and let it fly in the water around me. It was immensely gross for about 30 seconds, then a miracle happened - every fish in the reef came swimming my way and gobbled up my embarrassing mess before any of it could drift toward the nearby snorkelers. After relieving myself of my "burden" I felt great and had an excellent time.

The moral of the story? If you want to see lots of fish on a snorkelling trip, stock your tummy with lots of yummies and let them fly to feed the fishies!

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The (NOT) Dream Date 2
This happened to my best friend after a fraternity formal back in the late 1970s. He had asked a really hot girl from work to the event and was really feeling full of himself, since he was taking such a hot babe to the party. All went well at the formal - his frat brothers were green with envy - and went even better when he got home, because "hot date" wanted sex.

My lucky and quite drunk friend hopped into bed with her and after a little initial foreplay decided to oblige when she indicated she'd like some oral sex. Unfortunately, after a night of drinking, dancing and sweating - things "down there" were a little less than pristine. He made a few swipes at his "appointed task" and suddenly felt the urge to hurl.

Being the ultimate southern gentleman, he leaned over the edge of the bed and barfed on the floor. Hot date was horrified! She leaped out of bed, grabbed her clothes and got dressed on the way to the car. My pal ran down the driveway after her, stark naked, screaming apologies and begging her to forgive him. Needless to say, she refused and wouldn't even talk to him at work. Twenty plus years later, we speculate she's probably had to have a lot of therapy and is a heavy consumer of feminine deodorant sprays!

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Hot Shot
A few years ago I went out with my friend and a girl I was trying to get together with. We went to a dive bar off the Las Vegas Strip to drink beer, play pool, and do shots of tequila. One of the shots made me feel like I was going to puke, but I didn't want the girl to see it, so I tried to keep my mouth shut, while I discreetly went to the men's room.

However, the vomit came up so fast, and there was so much of it, that I was unable to keep it in my mouth, and I ended up spewing it right there in the bar. I was holding a pool cue at the time, ready to take a shot, and the puke travelled all the way down the cue, dripping off of it like icicles onto the floor. I went behind the bar and got a mop and bucket to clean up my mess, but the damage was done - the girl lost any interest she might have had for me.

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Table Manners
The night we had gotten done with the school year when I was a junior, me and some friends decided to stay at my house to get ripped and look back on the year. I had bought two bottles of cheap whiskey off of my older sister for the occasion. By 12:30 both of them were gone and we were all pretty heavy set. An hour or so later my mom yelled up the hallway to tell us to shut up and go to bed, so we decided to retire for the night. At some point during the night my friend Jake knew he was going to let some fly and told me he was going to the john. I was half asleep and drunk and forgot that the toilet wasn't there because it had broken and we were getting a new one.

The next morning my mom yelled for all of us to come downstairs, not saying why. We rolled out of slumber and I wondered what was wrong. When we got downstairs my mother pointed towards the kitchen, still curious me and my friends walk in. Right there in all it's early nineteenth century glory was our heirloom dining table, covered in puke.

Apparently Jake couldn't find the light in the dash to the bathroom and just let go where to toilet had been (he had been to my house before). Where he puked was a hole about eight inches wide. It had gone straight down onto our kitchen table. Needless to say my mom was pissed, and she doesn't get pissed easy. Me and my friends spent a lot of the summer vacation doing yard work around my house to pay to have the table re-finished.

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Laugh it up
The first time my friend ever threw up as a result of alcohol ingestion, we were 15 or 16. We had somehow acquired a litre of cheap vodka, and brought it down to the bottom of my driveway one night to drink it- away from the watchful eyes of my parents. As a chaser, we brought along a couple of 12 oz. juice bottles, as well as a bag of tortilla chips to munch on. So there we were- smoking butts, playing fetch with my german shepherd (Ulla), and taking bigger and bigger hits off of the vodka bottle, followed by a hearty swig of juice to wash away the rancid potato taste of cheap vodka. Eating the salty chips also made us thirsty, and we very quickly ran out of juice. While I knew that straight vodka with only tortilla chips as a chaser was probably a bad idea, I also knew that going into my house to get more juice in my half-cocked state would be a sure bust. So we proceeded forth, undaunted.

I remember taking what was probably the 2nd or 3rd long swig of straight vodka, unrelieved by juice, washing clumps of chip from my mouth down into my belly. I took a long breath as I felt all the chips in my stomach form into what felt like a ball, and felt that ball bounce around my vodka-filled belly. My mouth began to fill up with spit, and I knew what had to be done. Being at this point already a seasoned puker, I casually stood up on the side of the driveway and leaned over the grass with my hands on my knees in a sort of half-stoop. I waited. My friend, who often made it a point to boast that he'd never drank himself to sickness, found both my stance and my circumstance completely hilarious. As I started to heave, I heard him laughing hysterically- and then listened as that stupid laugh abruptly gave way to the sound of his unbridled retching. While I had maintained some relative form of composure throughout my vomiting, this kid had gone from pointing at me and laughing in a seated position to spastically whipping himself over onto all fours and heaving violently all over the driveway. My gut-wrenching laughter was interrupted only by spontaneous bursts of vomit, as I'd look over my shoulder at this utterly graceless and pathetic form my friend had been reduced to, then would be forced to suddenly turn forward again and hope that this time I wouldn't get it on my shoes.

This scene kept up for probably a minute or so when I suddenly heard my friend's breathless and ill-composed voice: "Ulla! No, no, back! Get back, Ulla!" My dog had begun licking up my buddy's puke off the pavement, which seemed to make him even more ill. I saw him desperately shove my dog's head to the side in an effort to not puke on her as he continued to blow forth the dreaded vodka and chip-chunk spew.

To this day, the images and sounds of that summer evening of my youth brings warmth to my heart and tears to my eyes.

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Boot Polish
When I was a teenager (25 years ago), I went to a party and there was a bunch of local tough guys there being obnoxious and arrogant. After a few hours of drinking beer with my friends I felt sick. I left the house to find a place to vomit, lost control and vomited hard on Tough Guy No. 1's boots.

It took him by surprise, he jumped back and said "What the Fuck". I ran behind the house and hid under a car. Soon I could here a bunch of guys looking for me and they were all talking about how they were going to beat the crap out of me. It was really dark that night and I am convinced that the Grace of God was with me, because I remember these guys as really serious brawlers and not the forgiving type. If they had found me I would have been really hurt. Instead, I fell asleep, came out later and walked home.

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Get an umbrella!
It was my 13th birthday and I was so psyched. My uncle had bought me tickets to see my favorite concert. I was the only 13 year old among other older teens. People were drinking, smoking and having a blast. I was amazed at what I saw. As we were leaving the concert we had to walk through the aisles to get to the exit. As I walked, with a huge smile on my face "it" hit me. Suddenly like a down pour of rain, someone vomited off one of the balconies all over my head.

I was in shock. As I looked up I saw another shower of warm, orange chunks coming my way. Luckily I was able to miss the falling vomit the second time but the first time really got me good.

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The Centrefold.
Back in the mid 80's, I was at a frat function and was the M.C. for our end of the semester banquet. I had recently started drinking snakebites-a shot of Yukon jack with a splash of Rose's lime juice. This night I was ready to party as my date was a friend of a friend and a knockout.

I mixed an entire fifth with a rose's lime juice bottle in a pitcher of ice. Chugging all of it in under three hours, I was reduced to rubble. While seated at an empty table, she approached and immediately gave me a huge ration of heat. Geez was she beautiful, standing before me in her fabulous dress. Well, you know how usually you've got a few seconds from that puking notion until it starts to rise? I got about a 2 second warning and man was it coming fast!

I grabbed the first receptacle I could find. My eyes darted to the water goblet. As I grabbed and leaned forward, the spew spanned about a 12 inch to hit the glass bulls-eye. And it kept going, in and back out. My vomit threw a full 180 degree turn off the bottom and pegged her, chest to knees. So I laughed, being hammered. She stormed off and I retreated to an outdoor trash bin to finish up.

A little sister of my frat came to help and we ended up dating for over two years. I didn't see the other girl again until a year or so later she was featured in the girls of DC Playboy spread. Hah!

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Chuck and the Tomato Plant.
I had been eating, drinking and making merry at a cousin's house and when I left there, I began to start feeling a little, uh, sick. I parked the car, and opened the gate to go in. About that time, what I had been eating, drinking, and, etc., decided to exit my stomach, and went all over dad's flower bed.

One of the things I had been eating was tomatoes, and somehow, one of the seeds decided to take root and come back up in the flower bed. To this day, I have never told dad where that tomato plant came from!

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Spewy Boy Benny.
I think this is pretty close to the colour of my chunder, on Friday night (from vague memory.) hehehehe you can run, but you can't hide!

Thanks for trying to kill me on alcohol that night guys, luckily I survived- like a phoenix, rising from the ashes.

I knew if I let on that night that it was me, that half of Adelaide would be on my back and I would be answering questions on the spot. I wasn't in the right state of mind for interrogation at that point

SUNDAY 10am after 3 hours sleep ...... the phone didn't stop ringing. Steph visited, and christened me "spewy boy" I hadn't even had time to get accustomed to that level of pain for the day.
My Bro, who works at the pub in question, was told by bar staff that they suspected that I had done the deed, and asked him not to tell me... WELL, Kristien conducted his own thorough investigation. (i expected nothing less) My mate from Broome, Nathan, who had already made me the object of his humour, dragged me out again the next night to the Crown and Anchor, where my bro was having a beer with the guys in the band we went to see . They are probably going to name a song after me. I was then told that the poor fucker who cleaned up the URINAL in which I unloaded, was less than impressed.... and knows who I am. heheheh, thanks dude, WHOEVER YOU ARE.

Kindest regards,
SPEWY BOY BENNY

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Parental Consent.
I had this idea when I was little that I had to make sure my parents knew I was going to barf BEFORE I barfed. So when I was 6 I felt barfy in the middle of the night and went into my parents' bedroom. My dad was closest to me so I tried to wake him.

I said, "Da..." but before I could finish I spewed barf all over him which made him jump out of bed. I think I freaked him out pretty bad. Oh well. Needless to say, I can barf without my parents' consent now!

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European Hurliday.
When I was 16 and very good looking, my parents took me to Europe on one of those see every country in 2 weeks deals. We were in Switzerland and were served croissants and hot chocolate for breakfast. We were then herded into a bus to go through the Black Forest to France. The road was quite windy. The tour guide had been flirting with me for the whole trip. I was sitting in the front seat of the bus, and the tour guide had a chair in front and below me.

I started feeling very nauseated and began looking longingly at a trash can right next to the bus driver. I figured if I really had to blow I would go for that trash can. All of a sudden I puked and it went all over the tour guides head and all over me. It was brown and gross. The bus driver stopped the bus while I continued vomiting in the rain and on the forest. I looked up and saw a whole bus load of tourists staring at me. At lunch we stopped at a restaurant in France. The owners of the restaurant lived upstairs above the restaurant and allowed me to take a bath and change clothes there.

Needless to say the tour guide stopped flirting with me for the duration of the trip.

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Rocky Sicks.
I also have another funny story. This took place right after the first Rocky movie came out. I decided I would put raw eggs and orange juice in the blender to become stronger just like Stallone did in the movie. I did this right before I was going to work. I pulled into the parking lot at work and vomited yellow ooze all over my lap and car seat!!

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Fido the wonder dog.
After a rather sheltered childhood due to very strict parentage, I was glad to be invited out to my first real piss up when I started nursing school. I figured a bottle of wine would be safe as everyone else was drinking mixers. WRONG!

I made it past my Mom OK and straight up to my room; but things got dicey when I tried to pass out on my bed. My parents slept downstairs, right next to the bathroom! I knew if I went to spew in the bathroom I would be busted, and soon nature took its course and a fountain of hot vino erupted from the deep. I managed to lean over the side of the bed, but left the mess on the floor for later.

I remember praying to God that I could get things cleaned up without my parents finding out; but woke up in the middle of the night and felt what I figured to be my Mom wiping my face with a warm wash cloth. Next morning the hard wood floor to the side of my bed was spotless. I headed down to breakfast with Mom & Dad ready to face the music, but all were in good spirits except me!

I thought that my drunken prayer to God had been answered. Then my black Labrador greeted me, his breath reeking of wine! The only thing I can think of is that he had not only licked my face clean, but polished up the mess on the floor too! Now I'm left to wonder the rest of my life; does God really take care of little children and drunks? Or do dogs just like warm wine!

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Bad Pussy.
After a pub crawl in the city I ventured home on my own on the bus. I kept restraining myself from chundering, taking deep breaths etc. Then it came up twice. Still drunk & out of my head I swallowed only forcing it up and out with a force. I was conveniently sitting with people facing me and I got it mainly on myself and on the guy opposites bag which was on his lap.

I then some how made it home and while I was at the doorstep trying to find my key, I threw up again and hit the cat! Oh poor Jack I thought. But in my defence, I have cleaned up Jack's yak plenty of times.

My brother mistook my spew for a knock on the door and let me in. The next day mum complained of cleaning up the cat's yak on the door step. Thank goodness my friends weren't around to witness my humiliation especially being a girl n' all.

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A Family Affair.
A couple years ago on the fourth of July, it was night time my family and I were out to watch the fireworks when suddenly I didn't feel so well.

My dad took me to a garbage can and then it happened I started to barf, then we went back, but then my sister didn't feel so good and she started to barf and then my brother did too, so it was a fourth of July I'll never forget!

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The Piano Puke.
I was about 8 and living in Cincinnati and stayed over at a friends house the night before Easter. The next morning I was not feeling too well and to top it off his mom served Eggs, runny cheesy eggs, the way that they liked them. It was decided that I would be going with them to church that morning and stay with them the rest of the day. On the trip there I was seated in the back seat trunk, (it was one of those old station wagons where the trunk folds up into a double seat), and we happened to go through the train park.

The car was bouncing me around horribly, and making me very sick to my stomach. I don't remember going into the building only that we were sat down in a huge Christian cathedral church, probably the biggest one in the area. After sitting dazedly through the first part of the service there came a children's time where all the younger crowd would go towards the alter and the priest would give a small talk, and then the kids would leave for Sunday school.

Well when this time was at hand, my friends mother said that I would have to go up there with the other kids. I pleaded to remain seated and not further upset my stomach, put she literally pushed me up off the pew and propelled me toward the front of the church. By being reluctant to go I was the object of attention for all the church patrons and the priest, who asked me to take a seat when I got closer. Something snapped and I turned green and ran toward the closest thing that I could hang onto to vomit into/around.

Unknown to me though told to me later I ran up the steps of the altar and over to the grand piano sitting on the side and proceeded to puke all over and into it. I ran out into the hall, when I got the chance, and begin to fill the entry area completely with neon green vomit. I was helped out of there when I finished puking and led to Sunday school where I spent the rest of the hour or so in the bathroom dry-heaving. The last thing I remember from that day was my friends mother saying that she was sorry for not listening to me.

Found out later that their family paid to have the piano cleaned and it was not cheap. I have no idea what the congregation thought about it though. Ugh, I still have nightmares about that.

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Back Seat Driver.
Well, I was in the backseat of a car after an alcohol ridden night of drinking up on the Berkeley Hills. I had already spewed all over the side of the bushes and still felt vomitous. Anyway, the front passenger {mind you, a very fine lookin' lad} oblivious to my condition and unaware of the fact that I had just rolled down my window cause I thought I was going to hurl, well he came out of nowhere and projectile vomited all over my face, being that it was out of the window. Like a dog trying to get a little air. So, not only was I the spew-er but was also the spew-ee. In the mouth, in the hair, you name it, it landed on my upper body region.

So, yes I saw this fine lad again and never have we spoke of 'the incident.'

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New Years Resolution.
Many years ago, I spent a witheringly boring New Years eve at home with my parents. A close friend of mine dropped by around 10 pm with his then-girlfriend to share in the misery. We holed ourselves up in my room with 4 bottles of cheap champagne a bag of Costco chips and about a pound of guacamole and had at it.

Well, I guess my friend got out of the gate a little quick (that, or he seriously front loaded) and got drunk really fast. About 12:30 or 1 we were all pretty wasted. My memory is spotty, but I recall struggling to the toilet for a major puke session, after which I felt much better. I laid down on the floor in front of the sink to recover from my gastric convulsion. Several long minutes later, I was roused from my alcoholic reverie by my friend who was pounding on the bathroom door demanding that I let him in (apparently, I'd inadvertently locked it). I managed to crawl to the door and open it.

My friend immediately burst through and opened up on my head and neck (I'm still in a supine position, mind you) with about a gallon of the most reeking, bile-colored vomit ever known. A combination of partially-digested Cook's champagne, guacamole and whatever fast food shit the bastard had eaten earlier that day coated my face and poured down the front of my shirt. Unfortunately, my mouth was partially opened as he entered, and I ended up swallowing a goodly amount of the load. I inhaled some through my nose, as well. The taste of the puke set me off again, and I turned my head and puked (rocket-style) in the heater vent. My friend continued on his path of destruction, vomiting on the throw rug, countertop, decorative soaps, 2 walls, hand towels and toilet seat. He didn't get one f**king drop in the water. The place was a f**king disaster area, with fluorescent green vomit virtually everywhere. It stunk worse than any shit, body odour or rotting organic matter I'd ever smelled.....Just as I'm about to open up on the dude for failing to exercise the slightest self control, he lets loose with another torrent----this time on my bare foot, the cabinetry, partially up my pant leg (I was wearing shorts and, yes, I did get it on my balls) and again on the throw rug.

My parents arrived on the scene after round 2 and found the place a f**king disaster. My dad's not a violent man, but he gave me a thunderous slap that left my right ear ringing for a day. The three of us were made to sleep in my car that evening and perform a Level 4 cleanup on the john the next day (the place was thoroughly encrusted with vomit and smelled like the crotch-skankiest transient on the planet. It wasn't until a few days later that the full extent of the disaster was felt, when my dad fired up the central heating and the whole house was engulfed by the smell the 3-day old face shot I'd taken into the vent. Needless to say, my dad used my face as a speed bag again and billed me the full amount for the Carrier man's visit. This story has been painfully revisited each of the last 14 years at my parents' house during the New Years Day college football marathon.

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The Taco Bell Barf - Part 2.
About two years ago, on new years eve, two friends and I went to a fetish new years party at a big club here in Cleveland, on the way we all gorged on taco bell, stuffing ourselves. We got there and my friend and I just got caught up in the vibe of the evening and started to down long island ice teas like water. 
We were having a blast dancing and drinking more. Suddenly I was really drunk and staggering, making an ass out of myself, so I went up to the balcony to rest and get off my feet. I was sitting there, unable to focus very well and trying to watch the people dance, but the disco lights started to make me feel queasy. I told my friend I needed to go home, suddenly like a burp, I spewed out long islands and taco bell over the balcony, hitting several people and filling several drinks up with my putrid projectile. Screaming chicks was all I heard as my friend escorted me out!!!

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The (NOT) Dream Date.
I was at a party one night and I had eaten 4 slices of pizza and 3 cups of soda. The DJ put on a slow dance song so I grabbed a really popular girl that everyone wanted to dance with and we started to dance. I felt a little dizzy and sick to my stomach, so I quickly motioned to the bathroom. Apparently she thought I meant "Let's go to the bathroom and make out", so of course she was so into it and she followed me. I made a quick dash for the can but I didn't make it in time and I blew chunks all over her new dress she had been waiting to show everyone. I felt so bad. My dream night dancing with her ended there.

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The Nightmare Clean Up.
My husband was really ill, complaining about feeling sick to his stomach. I told him please don't wait until the last minute and vomit all over our bed ... well he didn't puke on the bed, but he waited till the last minute ...  
With his hands clasped to his mouth he made a mad dash for the bathroom, he got to the door and projectile vomited all over the bathroom, on the sink, the walls, the bathtub, the shower doors, the cabinet, the floor, even all over out tooth brushes and the mirror.

It hit the wall and flew back all over him and back out the door, all over the clothes he had hung over the door behind the bathroom, the toilet was covered in puke, inside and outside, on the tank, down the bowl, on the floor, on the carpets, on every nick knack, on the shelves over the toilet seat, on the clean wash cloths,  and the towels. The contents from his stomach which had been gurgling all night long, was McDonald's cheeseburgers (the cheeseburgers were good, before he ate them and they fell into is viral infected stomach) with onions and pickles and french fries. Nothing was digested but just putrefied slimy and the smell was like some rotten dead fish with all kinds of snot like stringy slime and pus. I could have sworn some things were still alive! I put on my old clothes (anything that could be burned later) and gathered tools and supplies. Bleach, rubber gloves (disposable), garbage bags, tied a towel around my face and went in ... 

2 hrs later I emerged a stronger and wiser person, but now I have nightmares.

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The Wrong Side Of The Law.
The first time I got drunk was also also the first time I got arrested. I was at a local school playground partyin it up w/ my friends. when all of a sudden the cops were there. We all started to run, I was drunker then most, hence was slower, the type everybody wants around. So, the coppers nabbed me and put me in their car. Soon as he started to drive, the motion was too much and I started to hurl all over myself and the squad car. It was so bad the cop pulled over and gave me a garbage bag from the trunk.

I then told the cop that I would save this bag as a memento from my first time being wasted/arrested.

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Cruisin' Down The Tobacco road.
When I was a teenager (I was probably 15 years old at the time), my friend and I started smoking cigarettes. It was mainly a rebellion thing. Then one day he came up with the bright idea to try chewing tobacco. The first time we tried it we got the kind in a pouch. You could just stick the pouch in your mouth and spit until your heart was content. We thought that we were so cool. Then we made a huge mistake. My friend next got the bright idea of trying "long cut" chewing tobacco! Now, if you have never chewed tobacco you my not understand the difference or the significance of this. Unlike the tobacco contained inside a nice neat pouch, (called "bandits") long cut in nothing short of raw tobacco. You have to pinch it between you fingers real hard and pack it together. This tobacco come in tiny slivers, and if you don't pack it tight enough it can break apart in your mouth and you then run the risk of swallowing some of it!

Anyway, back to my story. We bought the long cut tobacco and I pinched it real hard between my fingers and stuck this huge wad of tobacco between my cheek and gums. Apparently, I didn't pack it good enough and within a few minutes it began to break apart inside my mouth. I didn't want to spit it out because then I wouldn't be "cool". I accidentally swallowed about half of it! When we got back to his house I could feel the very beginnings of nausea. I figured that I would be ok. His mom had come home with a fish meal and invited me to eat some. I ate about 3 pieces of fish some fries and a cola. I was hoping that eating would make the nausea go away. NOPE!

After we got done eating we went into his room to watch some TV. I was sitting there and my nausea was growing and growing and growing. Finally, I knew that I was going to throw up. It came on all of a sudden and my cheeks filled up with puke! I didn't want to puke in the bathroom because I didn't want his parents asking me why I was so sick. I ran to the window and yanked. It was stuck! I yanked harder but it wouldn't budge! My friend said, "The window is broken, go to the bathroom!!!" I darted for the bathroom, flung open the door and lunged for the toilet. I DID NOT make it! I projectile vomited! Puke sprayed out of my mouth and splattered all over the floor, the wall, the toilet tank, the toilet rim, and the side of the bathtub! I was finally able to position myself over the toilet and continued to empty my stomach contents into the toilet bowl! My friend walked into the bathroom, saw me hunched over the toilet bowl retching away, took one look at the mess all over the floor (etc.) and turned away real fast. He later told me that he was on the very edge of barfing right there and then. I must have spent a good 5 -7 minuets in the bathroom puking my sore guts out! I ended up dry-heaving for at least 30 seconds! When I was finally able to stop, I got to work cleaning up my mess! There were chunks of fish, half chewed fries, and all over the entire mess were these itty bitty tiny pieces of brown tobacco EVERYWHERE! It was soooooooooooo gross. Now, I can hardly even think about chewing tobacco without feeling a twinge of nausea. Come to think about it, I am feeling slightly nauseous right now. I think that I had better quit while I am ahead! BTW: My friend's parents never did find out! ;0)

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The Creature From The Black Lagoon.
Once, when I was about 21 years of age, I got terribly drunk on cheap tequila. While at a friends flat, I started shooting tequila and within hours, I had ingested all but a pint of the stuff. I had the camcorder out shooting embarrassing pictures of everyone until they were all very unnerved. then all of a sudden, vomit came up at lightening speed and all I could do was put my hand over my mouth, and head for the door. They said my cheek were puffed out so far, I looked like a woodchuck with a mouthful of acorns.

To pay me back for my actions, they videoed me all night long blowing oats in several different places around the outside of the apartment. Finally I laid down in the bed of a pick-up truck to rest my weary bones, all but to upchuck again all over myself, and my friends truck. I even crapped my pants this time, so I was really in a world of hurt now. My friend's wife felt sorry for me and brought me a damp rag, and a blanket. I soon feel asleep, and woke up the next day, looking of a total mess, surrounded by little children that thought that they were seeing the creature from the Black Lagoon. Needless to say, still to this day, I NEVER, drink tequila.

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A Doomed Romance.
I went out to party with a girl I had just started seeing. We had quite a few drinks and had a pretty good time. At the end of the night we went to get some KFC while we waited for her Mother to come and pick us up.

On the way home the Chicken Nuggets I had eaten decided that they didn't want to stay in my stomach. I tried to lean over my girlfriend to get the window open, but I was too drunk to operate it. I couldn't spew on her, so I turned the other way and hurled ... all over her Mother!!

I forgot to mention that I was sitting in the middle of the front seat. We didn't see too much of each other after that, and it was a long time before I could even drive past a KFC without cringing.

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Tijuana Barf.
I had gone to Mexico with a friend. We drank all the way from Los Angeles to Tijuana, some wine coolers with Tequila on. When we got to the hotel, we drank some more from the refrigerator in the room. We also smoked some killer weed. Then we went to a night club and continue drinking.

The music was really loud and the club had one of those psychedelic lamps going around and around. My head started to spin, and I knew I had to go puke, but I couldn't find the guts to stand up and find the bathroom. All of a sudden, it came in voracious waves. I vomited across the table, into my friend's laps. They had to drag me out of there, and call a taxi to go back to the hotel. The whole outing lasted just about 45 minutes. The next morning my friend was mad like hell. I will never forget it.

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Why Astronauts Drink Tang.
I was donating plasma for the first time. You are supposed to eat a good meal and not drink any alcohol for 24 hrs prior. As the donation started I began to feel light headed and dizzy. The technicians informed us that should we feel strange in anyway to raise our hand. I did so. I told him I had not eaten and he brought back a cup of Tang and 2 animal crackers. After I drank the Tang and ate the cookies I began to feel quite nauseated! Mind you the dizzy light-head thing had not passed I can barely raise my head let alone my arm. I could not even talk I was so weak.

I was definitely gonna puke - it was inevitable. About 2-3 yards away was a large hefty garbage can. It was my only salvation at holding on to a tiny shred of dignity. To my amazement this perfect orange arch or rainbow stream ejected from my mouth and all the contents landed in the hefty can minus a few drops on my shirt. I then fully passed out. But I was damn proud, I thought that projectile vomit was a myth until that day!

No wonder Astronauts drink Tang!

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A Near Vomit Experience.
Once my husband and I and one of my best friends were very hung over. We had been driving around looking for a place to eat breakfast but had been unsuccessful for about an hour, and when we finally found a diner.

I wisely ordered nothing but a lemonade and a small bowl of soup, but my friend had convinced himself that he was absolutely starving and got a huge omelette, biscuits, juice, coffee, the works. As we were leaving, my husband was pulling the car out of the parking lot and my friend screamed "Stop! let me out!!" He leapt out of the car and began trying to hurl onto the parking lot, making as much noise as possible: "BLLLLAAAAEEEEERRRRGGGHHH!!! AAAAAAHHHHHRRRGGG!!" etc. But nothing was coming up.

This diner was on a very busy suburban road and it was Sunday, just about time for church to let out ... all I could think about was Mr. and Mrs. Upper Middle-class and their snot-headed kids driving along after the sermon, looking for a place to eat ... "Oh, doesn't this diner look nice. Wait, what's that man doing?!!?"

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The Taco Bell Barf.
For my son's 13th birthday we rented him a limousine and he, his brother and his friends went cruising around town. They went to Taco Bell and my son began to feel from sick riding backward. He spewed all over the back of the limo, on his friends, and on his brother. Everyone screamed and bolted from the limo into the cold winter air. All his friends took turns ragging on him and complaining about the chunks on their clothes, and being wet outside in the cold weather. The poor driver had to clean out the back of the limo.

After 3 years my son still hates Taco Bell!

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General Tsao's Vomit.
I took in some lunch with a few friends at a favourite Chinese buffet restaurant. The main attraction of this particular buffet was the popular General Tsao's chicken, tasty balls of meat, hopefully chicken, in a delicious sauce. Now the object of the game was to eat as much of the chicken as one possibly could, so as to get one's 5 dollars worth before leaving. I certainly at my fill on this occasion. After departing our group met up with some others, who had not eaten and suggested we go to another restaurant.

We relocated, got seated, and I only ordered a drink because I was so stuffed. Well about this time all that chicken was weighing down and I badly needed to take a huge crap. Once on the toilet, the stress of expelling the faeces must have gotten to me, because I just started coughing uncontrollably, and I vomited some, but surely not all the chicken. I paced myself, slowed down, decided the vomit was an accident and everything was under control.

I finished my business, washed up, and was about to leave the restroom when I lost control. Powerful vomit poured forth. I looked about in a panic, while puking, looking for a good place to puke. I headed for the sink, but it made little difference, I had made a big mess already. This room was nicely coated with vomit streaking all over. Remarkably I had almost no puke on me. I cleaned myself up, began whistling, and left the restroom for good.

Upon returning to the table, I suggested we leave before I was found out. Later I learned that three staff members resigned rather than clean up the puke.

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The Vomit Fountain
The most spectacular projectile vomit I witnessed was when my partner was lying on her back in bed and attempted to stop the flow of vomit by pushing her fist against her mouth as there wasn't time to get to the bog. The puke was channelled into her hand and forced through a small gap and produced a magnificent fountain of vomit all over the bed. I was disappointed that it didn't quite hit the ceiling. We were in a B&B at the time and spent most of the night clearing up the mess.

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New Carpet Design.
Back in the 80s, being the punkass people we were, we ambled into a liquor store and bought four pints of ultra-cheap Tvarisch vodka from the store's bargain bin. I still lived with my parents, so finding a suitable mixer would be no problem - 2 six-packs of pineapple soda.

I drank the vodka and pineapple soda mixture with a friend until there was no more. Then we started on a large bottle of apple schnapps we also found in the liquor store's bargain bin. From that point on, the only thing I remember was driving home through morning rush hour traffic with one eye closed so I would see just one road. Miraculously, I made it home. I passed out on the floor in my bedroom and hurled in my sleep all over the floor and wall. I woke up 10 hours later, still drunk, with vomit-stiffened hair and a bad case of the munchies.

That vomitus stayed on the carpet for a further year after the fact, so when I moved out all I had to do was vacuum it up, though it did stain the carpet. Easiest retch-fest I've ever had to clean up!

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Sorry About That!
A friend of my sister's was on the tube. A man got on, looking a bit green, and indeed did vomit a few minutes later, but very skilfully managed to retain ALL of it in his mouth except one tiny squirt which landed on my sister's friend. Seeing that he had spilt some on her, he started to say 'I'm sorry' and in doing so squirted the whole of the rest of it all over her.

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The Casual Vomit.
I was at a party many years ago when I witnessed for the first time what became known in my circle of friends as the Casual Vomit . I was in the bathroom washing my hands when my 6ft tall friend came in. He walked nonchalantly over to the loo and without bending over at all, inclined his head towards the bowl and released a perfect, straight stream of vomit into the loo; soundlessly and elegantly. He then walked out of the bathroom, casually saying in passing that he felt much better now.

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Blackberry Wine.
In the eighties two of my friends and I went to a heavy metal concert and got hammered on blackberry wine before going in. Halfway through the show Eric felt bad and went out to our station wagon. When we made it to the car after the show we could tell something was really wrong. Apparently Eric had curled up in the back of our station wagon and passed out. He must have came too and released that he was on the verge of heaving and tried desperately to get out but in his drunken state couldn't get out of the locked doors. There was puke all over the seats, floor, windows, and dashboard. Eric had assumed the foetal position on the back seat in a pool of his own stomach bile, chunks and blackberry wine and was sprayed everywhere.
It was a nasty ride home.

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The Cookie Woofer.
My son Kevin is an amazing puker and can harf for any reason. Once we were driving past a dairy and the smell of sour manure was in the rainy air. He felt it coming and looked around with big eyes for someplace to make his own smelly deposit. My wife grabbed up a bag of cookies and said, "Here, use this!" Kevin tossed his cookies into the cookies, looked around and said, "I hope nobody wanted that."

I guess they don't now!

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Dog day afternoon
When I was 14, my pal Dave & I wanted to go to town and play at the arcade, but Dave's sister Linda told Dave's mom that he forgot to do his chores like take out garbage, feed the dog, etc, so he got on restriction. So now we couldn't go out ... well, he took the garbage out and by the time it was to feed the family dog ... I was so mad at Linda, that I personally grabbed Fido by the mouth in the living room floor in front of Linda and I opened Fido's mouth and I projectile vomited all my lunch (it was a tuna sandwich) into Fido's mouth ... (I think the dog loved it. It was kinda like a warm meal to him, he didn't care, but Linda FREAKED OUT and was screaming "Fido can never lick my face again!", and she tried to tell her Mom, but she didn't believe her, ha ha!

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A Happy Ending.
I don't count the ones where you make it to the toilie on time and the seat is up !!!!!!!!!
I just remembered an oldie but a goodie (7yrs ago) - I was at a Chinese Restaurant and it was the Xmas break up day. I had started drinking at lunch time (beer in vast quantities but no food otherwise you can't fit the beer in). I left there about 6pm to go to dinner with the management and staff from another area - well it was ouzo with the Chinese (not a good combo, especially on top of beer). Anyway I vaguely remember telling one woman how ugly this woman was on another table and she said "that's my sister" ... oooops... well I started feeling a little unwell after these drunks started spinning the lazy-susan around on the table and I had become mesmerised by it, so I've gone the dash for the toilet, but missed the doorway and ended up in the kitchen with my hand clasped over my mouth - the Chinese cook went spastic at me and chased me out - I only made it to the hand basin inside the toilet door as there was someone inside the toilet - as I was attempting to get rid of the evidence this woman walked out - it was the woman that I had told how ugly her sister was - well I sure impressed her that night !!!!!!!!! The miracle was that I had enough sense to give my car keys to someone else and then remembered where I'd parked in some multi level car park some 12 hours earlier !!!!!!

Don't you love a happy ending?????????

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Class Action.
It happened when I was in first grade. During snack time me and my friends were telling jokes. I had just taken a sip of orange juice when someone told a very funny joke, but instead of the usual spraying juice everywhere out of the mouth and nose, I inhaled most of it and started choking.

I was fine but my friend tried doing the Heimlich manoeuvre and failed miserably. Instead of coughing up the little bit of juice, I threw up right in his face. I guess it was something about the smell of the puke that made my friend throw up about 4 times.

By now there was now so much vomit in the room and no open doors or windows, that about 10 other kids and the teacher all threw up. Most threw up multiple times. After everything was over only about 5 kids hadn't thrown up.

We had to use a different classroom for a week until they had cleaned and aired out ours. This is by no means normal for me, not counting times as a baby, that is only the first of two times I have ever thrown up.

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A Well Orchestrated Hurl.
I once took a bag of sugar pills to junior high school. I told my classmates that they had fallen into a toilet. I had coated the sugar pills with icing the night before. To make it all more convincing, I swallowed them with a bottle of Ipecac. This was during an orchestra rehearsal. After ten minutes, I had to decide where all the vomit was going to go. I opened my mouth while making a full circle . My vomit splattered on everybody within the group. To this day, I don't know how the Magee Junior High orchestra ever forgave me.
If any of you read this, my new number will be listed with the new publication of Qwest.

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Lights, Camera, ... Barf.
Once I was in a play. I was the main person in it. Well, I wasn't feeling so good that night, but I had to be in it. My Mom told me that I was probably just nervous. I, was about to say my line when I leaned over the stage and puked. I threw up all over 3 audience members. I wanted to die, because my friends were there that night and they will never let me forget the moment for the rest of my life!!!

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The Meeting

Well fellers, it happened up like this. It didn't happen to me, but it sure was funny.

I was at work when the "boss" called a meeting.
All the little underlings came and gathered like the good, obedient little bureaucrats they are. You know the drill; scurrying and finding an extra chair or two, grabbing a cup of coffee, and the like. Throw in a couple of pitiful jokes and you have the scene in the office on this fateful day.

The boss, we'll call him Wayne Smith, called the meeting to order with his usual goofy quip of a bad joke and the meeting was off and running. Not much of a meeting mind you, the normal stuff that rarely meant anything.

About ten minutes into the meeting, Wayne drew quiet in mid-sentence. The other six of us stared about for several seconds. Wayne then absolutely bellered out....I mean LOUD.., "oh, bitter pill!!"

We scrambled backwards in our seats due to the sheer shock of it. Then a second screaming warming, "oh rancid!! oh heinous and foul rank!!", he exclaimed. Bout that time, he leaned slightly upwards (not down) and let loose with the most horriffic, sickening, wretched, soured and smelly display of hosing gut slosh I'd ever beheld.

People screamed and scattered, but Wayne Smith simply tried to catch the raging torrent of gallons of puke in his small cupped hands (so you can imagine how that went). Just when we thought he was done, he actually leaned up onto the table and shouted, "oh bitter belly of putrid porridge!!" We couldn't believe some of these wild things he was reciting but there was no time to criticize. A second nostril ripping splatter of belly batter spewed across the table.

People gagged and some cursed. With that, we adjourned and went our ways, leaving him to clean up his own carnage. Nasty stuff at the meeting.

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Stomach Flu

I bought chicken at the super market and ate it one night. I felt fine afterwards, but when I woke up I felt really nausious and vomited all over my bed and on the floor. I ran to the bathroom clutching my mouth and stomach. After the initial upchuck I was feeling fine and went to school. BAD IDEA!

I didnt eat lunch coz I started feeling really sick again. I told my teacher I didn't feel good and she gave me a pass to go to the nurses office. The nurse told me to wash my hands in the bathroom and I did, but PUKED 7 times in there also.

She heard me chundering and opened the door and sent me home. My mom immediately took me to the doctor. I get sick on planes coz of the smell and the doctor's waiting room smelled like one, sooo the minute I walked in I barfed 5 times on the floor and 3 times in his garbage. He said I probably had the stomach flu, but to know from what he said he has to run 3 tests. The first test was 3 questions how do u feel. HORRIBLE. What are your symptoms? puking, headache, diareah, and tiredness. Have you eaten recently? no.

So he first made me puke with a gag reflex and saved it in a sample cup. Then gave me a lot of orange juice to drink FAST and barf it up in a cup. Last he gave me alot of bread to eat. Told me to try to hold it down for 20 min and throw it up. LASTLY he gave me a liquid called ipecac that makes u throw up everything consumed in 48 hours and took all hose samples to the lab (I wouldn't want to be the lab guy who had to analyse that!)

He said if I had bacterial stomach flu I would be better in a week! Then he then started talking about the barf samples and they looked gross which made me then hurl 10 more times on the floor which was green, brown, with pink chunks. I felt soooooo sick.

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Dog Spray

Once when I was only 16 I went to the local pub and my cousin bought me a load of Jim Beams and coke.

I drank them all and felt fine, then I called a taxi and went home. When I got out of the cab I threw up on the nature strip, then on my way to the door I threw up in the rubbish bin. The only thing I remember after that was a friend shaking me saying get up.

I was lying in my chunky vomit soup then I got up and my dog came into my room. I bent down to pat the dog and ended up barfing on her. The poor thing was covered in puke.

The dog shook herself like after a bath and vomit sprayed everywhere! It was all over the walls, the floor and my bed. The smell of it was terrible and I ran and filled the toilet with vomit - I was almost choking while vomiting.

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Fishing Puke

One day when I was getting ready for work I felt a little nauseous, but I was not going to let that stop me because I LOVED my job I worked as a toxicologist. I did not eat anything and my workers asked me if I felt ok I said "yeah ok" as my answer.

Later as we were fishing trying to catch a fish to study, I told them I felt sick and they wanted to tell our boss so I could get out. Fortunately ( for me at least ) we were out on a boat and we could not leave until we caught the fish we were studying.

I warned them I was gonna puke like 1,000,000 times but they did not do anything. We were looking at the fish when all of the sudden BBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! all over the fish the men and in the water.

We were on the side of the river when it happened so my puke got everywhere so it got in a puddle on the side of the river, it was a greenish-yellowish color and it was REALLY chunky with bits of food in it.

After that we had to go back to our site and get me home, but on the way I vomited a few more times on my workers and well hell you name it I puked on everything! this is a date I will not forget!

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Barfday Cake

One time my brother, who was 14 at the time, had been drinking ,"Hawaiian punch", well for some reason he was decorating a cake for someone's birthday party. He said he didn't feel good, and started to get that, I'm going to puke look.

when I said "go to the restroom", he simply shook his head then looked at the cake and projectile vomited all into the center hole of the cake. The vomit consisted of chunks of oscar meyer, pineapple, pizza, chicken, chinese food, tacos, chips, a penny (don't ask), beans, rice and corn.

Long story short he decorated the cake (puke and all) with icing, said it was a custom cake, and the people who received it said they loved it!

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Wonderbarf

I was at Canada’s Wonderland with my girl and I had a memorable experience that I will not soon forget. I had been waiting to go on top gun all day, but milady is a tad coaster scared. So I went on the easier stuff like dragon fire and jet scream (she’s not THAT scared). My feet got sore and we were about to go home when we saw that there was only a 2 minute line on top gun! How glorious! I begged her to go on with me and she didn’t budge, so I went on without her slightly saddened and buckled next to a stranger and behind a stranger and in front of a stranger…you get the picture.

We started and the coaster and I was having a great time until I heard the shrieks of the girl ahead of me, and the gagging and coughing and the wheezing and then *pow!* I got hit right in the middle of the face with a giant ball of her puke! It flew all over my face and in my open mouth and the people behind me. I was like that until the ride was over. I saw my girl at the exit laughing her ass off the second she saw me! To this day (we’re now engaged) she jokes about it whenever we go to Wonderland.

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The Contest

When I was about the age of 10, my friend and I were having a sleep over that night. It was about 1 am so my parents, brother, and sister, had all gone to bed for the night. My friend and I challenged each other to empty out the contents of the fridge. Between us we ate 5 pieces of pumpkin pie, 3 yogurt cups, 3 cups of milk, 2 cups of orange juice, a whole 8 package of summer sausage slices, 2 pieces of cheese, 6 pieces of chocolate pie, a whole double size container of cottage cheese, 7 waffles, a whole bottle of applesauce, and to top it off, half a container of rainbow sherbet ice cream. We were both bloated.

She then dared me to drink 8 glasses of water, in 16 oz. cups. I took her challenge, because I had eaten so quickly, I didn't feel full yet. I drank all the water, and told her she had to do it also. She only got to 4 glasses before she admitted defeat. We got bored, and began doing handstands against the wall, as we usually do. The water and food sloshed in my stomach, but that didn't bother me, I ignored the feeling completely. We finally got bored and laid on the couch. My friend burped very loudly and we started laughing. I decided to challenge her in a burping contest, which was a very, very, bad idea.

We kept burping, my friend threw up in a trash can a little each time, but she ignored it. She finally got to the point where she threw up, full out. She was also crying, and I went for a trash can. She threw up 12 times (yes, I kept track, because I was the one holding the trash can) and stopped (fortunately) when the fifth trash can was full. We laid on the couch again and held our stomachs'. The churning in my stomach sloshed like a tsunami. I held my stomach, denying the feeling, still. Which was also a bad idea. But it only got worse, and the water and food in my stomach lurched over and over, forcing me to hold myself even harder. I could tell my friend wasn't doing so hot either. "Ugh... I don't feel so well." I groaned. "I better not upchuck again." My friend replied. When we both thought the feeling had passed, we decided to eat 2 cookies each. Terrible idea. The churning increased, and I knew what was coming. But it was too late, the bathroom was a room away. The projectile vomit shot up through my throat, and out about 6 feet onto the carpet. The chunder was about 3 feet wide and shot out through my nose also. I saw my friend grab a trash can and begin to hurl, and race to the basement toilet. I raced to the bathroom, throwing up once more on my way, and finally reached the toilet. I dunked my head in and puked my guts out. The barf was brown, with dark orange, and brown chunks. The line between one end of me, and the other end, was broken. I soon had liquidy diarrhea fill my pajama shorts, and roll down to the floor. HUUURRRRKKKKKK! BLEARGHHH!!!!!! Each vomit lasted AT LEAST 20 seconds each, filling up the whole toilet bowl.

I had barfed at least 30 times. When I stopped for a little, I walked out, to find my friend puking in the bathroom downstairs (luckily!) I found the urge to puke again so I sprinted up the stairs and into the bathroom, right before a volcano of chunder streamed into the toilet. I upchucked 45 times after returning to the bathroom. Flushing, and the stuff splashing up to my face, over and over. One was so huge, that it actually overflowed the toilet! This continued for 3 hours straight, throwing up every 5 seconds, no joke! And there were absolutely no dry heaves, all of them were full and burned. Eventually, I fell asleep, and woke up to an unhappy, but sympathetic, mother the next morning. I vomited 10 more times in the next hour, emptying all the contents of my stomach, and dry heaved the rest of the day. I knew after that to never challenge my friend to an eating contest again!

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Le Vomit

Once when I was around 15 years old I was in a french class at school, I felt my stomach start to churn, I remember thinking not now please! I could feel the vomit coming up from my stomach. My friend asked if I was ok and told me that I was really pale and that I should tell the teacher. I shook my head knowing that if I opened my mouth there would be a tone of barf waiting to come out.

I could feel my lunch coming up, gradually working its way up to my mouth. I held my stomach, knowing that it was coming soon and that there was nothing that I could do about it, I was going to barf! I retched and I felt the slimey substance come up in to my mouth, my friend saw and started to rub my back knowing that I had to get it all up. I retched again and the vomit poured out of me. the class were staring at me with disgusted eyes and I stood up to try and get away but I heaved again and a violent rush of vomit came out again. The teacher ran out of the room not being able to stand it. I stood there vomiting a browny yellow mess onto the carpet. Not knowing what to do I tried to hold it in, without success. I ran out of the room leaving a mess of puke behind me. I went to the nurse and got sent home. I continued to vomit all through out the night spending most of my time in the bathroom!

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